


Their Five Stages

by Yuneyn



Category: No. 6 (Anime & Manga), No. 6 - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-30
Updated: 2014-02-27
Packaged: 2017-12-28 00:53:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/985708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuneyn/pseuds/Yuneyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Where the five stages of grief become the five stages of reunion for Shion and Nezumi. Rated M for the last chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Denial

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own No.6 or any of the characters. If I did, they would share more than goodbye kisses – and just reunite already XD
> 
> Warning: This fic is definitely shonen-ai, so if you don't like the idea of two guys being more than friends, I encourage you to go read something else!
> 
> A/N: I've had the idea for a reunion fic in my mind for a while, but it took me sometime to really decide how I wanted it to go. The "five stages" thing struck me as I was reading about it for a completely different reason, so that's what I'm going with^^ I will focus on both Shion and Nezumi equally, and here I start with a first chapter about Nezumi. He's really difficult for me to understand, and fascinating at the same time… I wanted to understand what could make him decide to go back to Shion despite all of his stubbornness. Well, I truly hope I managed to stay as close to his character as possible.
> 
> Please forgive me if my grammar/spelling is not perfect, I'm not a native English speaker. Any (nice) correction is welcome in the reviews though, I'm always happy to learn. And I also love constructive reviews! (no flames please… if you don't like, then don't read!)

**Chapter 1 - Denial**

_Shion is a person of the past._

Nezumi had lost count of the number of times he has repeated this to himself in the past three years. It wasn't like it was working anyway. No matter what he was doing, Nezumi often caught himself talking to Shion in his mind. He would comment on his journey, the new places he discovered or the people he encountered, imagining what Shion's reactions would have been. When he first realized it, he tried to think of something else every time the white-haired boy popped into his head. But no matter how hard he tried, he had never been able to completely block Shion from his thoughts. After a while, Nezumi had just hoped this would change over time.

_Shion is a person of the past._

Repeating these words over and over during all this time was merely a vain attempt to convince himself they were true. Now after 3 years, they had lost their meaning. The words sounded empty, yet somehow their melody was sickening. It was like those songs that become stuck inside your head and drive you crazy.

Nezumi almost let out a sigh but managed to stop himself midway. Looking up, he saw that he had arrived where he wanted. There were a few small mountains on the outskirts of No.2, and the one he had climbed was supposed to offer a nice view of the city and the ocean that lied beyond. Leaving the forest of pine trees he had just gone through, Nezumi settled himself on a huge rock which was overlooking the valley. He took out a few pieces of bread from his pocket and spread them next to him. The two little mice that had been sitting on his shoulder ran down to eat them, chirping happily. Hamlet and Cravat, those were the names Shion had given them. Although he had been annoyed with it at first, Nezumi had eventually gotten used to calling them like that.

Turning his head back towards the valley, he let his feet hang above the edge of the rock and took in the view. The sun was starting to get lower on the horizon and the city of No.2 was bathed in an orange light which almost made it look surreal.

No.2, just as all the other cities he had visited during his travels, was not surrounded by a huge hostile wall like No.6 used to be. It was a warm, welcoming place, with its lot of issues as any big citiy would be… but it wasn't debilitating its citizens, it accepted travelers, and people there were able to enjoy any form of art. If Nezumi used to spend most of his time reading back in the West Block, he had been able to enjoy much more during the past years. He visited museums, went to concerts, watched movies… luxuries that did not exist in the West Block. He had also been able to watch plays in actual theaters, and sometimes even play some secondary role whenever he heard about an audition.

Of course, Eve's success had always been limited to the West Block, and Nezumi perfectly knew there was no way an unknown newcomer would be allowed to start at the top. It didn't matter to him anyway, as he didn't plan to stay anywhere for more than a few months. He was content enough to be able to perform in such nice theaters, where the stage had an actual setting and the actors wore proper costumes. A slight grin formed on his lips as he thought of how Shion would react. The airhead had always been eager to watch him perform and had an unfaltering admiration for Eve's persona… He would probably tell Nezumi not to lower himself to unimportant roles and to fight for a part more fitting his talent.

His smile quickly faded though, as he remembered another side of Shion's personality. Sure, the airheaded boy would probably not beat up a stage manager for something as futile as a role in a play but still… Shion used to be awfully short tempered when it came to Nezumi, and that thought gave him chills.

_Why do you even care so much Shion? I don't deserve you losing yourself over me._

The painful memories of what happened in the Correctional Facility were still coming back to haunt him from time to time. Retrospectively, he sure was grateful that Shion's actions had allowed them to stay alive; yet he knew that because of him, Shion would have to live out his life with the knowledge that he had killed another human being. Nezumi shook his head and clicked his tongue. He still hated himself for that… and besides, why was he even thinking about that right now.

The sun had now almost disappeared below the horizon, and the city had started to light up. From here he could make out the main streets of No.2, as well as a few landmarks. When he had arrived, he had found a part-time job at a small library in a quiet area of the city. In exchange for putting in more hours he had been allowed to live in a small room above the shop. The room was really cramped and he couldn't stand up everywhere as it was right under the roof, but it was good enough for sleeping. However, it made him enjoy even more the feeling of freedom brought in by the immense space in front of him.

His gaze lowered a little to look at Cravat and Hamlet. The two little mice were huddled together next to his thigh and seemed to be sleeping peacefully. They were quite old now though… it was actually incredible that they even managed to live that long. Nezumi wondered if Tsukiyo, the one that had stayed with Shion, was still alive as well. Shion would probably be inconsolable when he wouldn't have the small mouse as companion anymore.

With that thought, Nezumi's mind wandered back to Shion and No.6. Part of him tried to wonder whether the white-haired boy would enjoy this view, but Nezumi quickly dismissed this idea with an impatient "tsk". Instead, he aimed his thoughts at No.6… He was curious to know what kind of city it had become since he left. Had Shion been able to manage all the issues inherent to the rebuilding of a city? Did some ill-intentioned people try to manipulate him into giving them more power? Had he been able to stand his ground and not put too much trust in other people? What kind of city would Nezumi find if he came back there? More importantly, who will he find there? Would Shion still be the same person he knew back then? Would he still be waiting for him?

_Shion is a person of the past, dammit!_

Nezumi was sure his brain honestly believed that Shion belonged in the past. Sure, he would never forget him, or the time they spent together in the West Block… but he had no place in the present. Thus, it really annoyed him that the airhead was still comfortably settled in his mind. Not forgetting someone did not mean thinking about them several times a day, dammit.

_I always knew you would be trouble._

_"The closer you get, the heavier your shackles become."_  He had not meant to get close to Shion. If anything, he never wished to get close to anyone. But this guy had a way of capturing you without you even realizing it. He had broken through Nezumi's defenses way too easily, defenses he had spent every minute of his life building ever since the Mao massacre. Getting close to someone, allowing yourself to care for them, this is just the best way to get hurt when that person is eventually taken away from you.

And that's why he had left. Shion did not scare him because he couldn't understand him – no – what scared him was the way he was fascinated by his inability to grasp whatever was going on in Shion's mind. Most of the things the white-haired boy did or said felt completely absurd to Nezumi, and yet it mesmerized him. At some point, Nezumi realized that part of him actually wanted to stay with Shion and observe him. Not only to see how he would handle the reconstruction of No.6, but also to try and understand him… and maybe somewhere deep inside he just wanted to stay with him – although any idea of the sort was quickly dismissed. When these thoughts hit Nezumi, it scared him even more. That's when he knew he had to go. He would not be trapped by anyone. Whatever those feelings were, they had to disappear. Leaving was the right choice. At least, back then, Nezumi was convinced it was.

On the day he had actually left, he had cursed himself mentally for kissing Shion and promised him that their reunion would come. It had not been his brain acting or talking at this moment, and it took all of his willpower to turn away and start walking. He could feel Shion's eyes on his back for what seemed like forever, but he didn't turn back once. Not until he knew he was far enough to not even be able to see the broken walls of No.6.

There were two reasons he had not turned back at the time. For one, he perfectly knew Shion would be crying, and seeing how hard it had been to leave once, he wasn't sure he could handle doing it again if he saw Shion cry. The second reason was that almost as soon as he had started walking he could definitely feel tears running down his face. He was not sobbing; his voice did not catch in his throat… Those were silent, uncontrollable tears that kept flowing for a while. And no one would ever have to know about it.

The cold night wind made him shiver and brought him back to reality. It was time to go back to the city. He carefully took Hamlet and Cravat in his hands and they woke up just enough to settle themselves on his shoulder. It was pretty dark now, but it didn't matter, Nezumi was used to the obscurity. After looking down one last time at the lights of No.2, he turned around and went back in the forest.

* * *

Nezumi stopped in his tracks and focused on the music he was hearing. The melody was oddly familiar and he started walking silently towards its origin. Soon, he could make out the light of a campfire with a few people surrounding it – three, to be exact. Two of them were playing some kind of string instrument, and the last one played a steady rhythm on a small drum made of wood and what looked like the skin of some animal. Nezumi had definitely heard this music before, could it be that one of them was the bard he had met close to the playhouse, back in the West Block?

He stepped closer until his face was lit up by the fire. One of the musicians looked up at him and smiled, gesturing Nezumi to sit down. He was almost certain he was the same man as few years back; and it seemed he had recognized him as well. The music hadn't stopped, and as Nezumi sat down, he closed his eyes and started singing. The words came to him naturally, blending in with the melody and echoing throughout the night.

Time seemed to have stopped its course as Nezumi sang along with the musicians. When they stopped, it felt like he had been there for only a moment and forever at the same time. The men took out some drinks and meat that they started to cook on the fire. The one who invited Nezumi to join them turned to him.

"Want something to eat?"  
"Do you always welcome people you don't know in the middle of nowhere?"

The man smiled, and spoke again softly.

"You definitely look older, but I do remember you. You're the young one who got into trouble for singing with me."  
"Which confirms my first impression. I won't say no to some food then."

One of the other musicians handed him a plate and a glass, without a word. Neither he nor the third man had spoken yet, but their eyes were studying Nezumi intently, which made him a little uncomfortable. They looked much younger than the bard he had met in the West Block, and he wondered if they had only joined him recently.

"So, you finally left that dreadful place. Good for you that you managed to free yourself."  
"I got what I wanted. There was nothing holding me back anymore."

_Wasn't it?_  
 _Shut up._ __  


"It was that city, wasn't it? I heard there was a big incident there three years ago."  
"You heard right. The core of No.6 was exposed and destroyed. Now they have the opportunity to start over and build a decent place."  
"How can you be so sure that they won't make the same mistakes?"

Nezumi lowered his gaze. Shion was in charge of the restructuration committee. He had seen firsthand the downfall of No.6. He had been downgraded from elite to a lower citizen, only to end up being labeled as a criminal and a fugitive. He had experienced the life in the West Block, and the horrors of the Hunt. There was no way Shion would allow that city to follow the same path again, not as long as he was alive.

"I know the person in charge. I trust him to make the right decisions."

The man didn't answer immediately. His eyes were staring into Nezumi's, as if he was trying to read his thoughts. A slight grin appeared on his lips and there was a mocking tone in his voice.

"Is that so? Good for you then."

Nezumi tensed up a little, and ate his food in silence. When he was done, he put down his empty plate and glass on the ground beside his feet, and stared up at the sky. It was a clear night, and the stars were shining brightly. Memories of another star-filled night came to his mind. That night when Shion had foolishly run to his rescue. The so-called goodnight kiss he had received later. Then, the next morning, when he made him promise never to give him a goodbye kiss again – only to be the one to give him one a few months later. Although technically he had told Shion that it wasn't a goodbye kiss. Truth is, he wasn't really sure what to say back then. He hadn't planned on kissing the white-haired boy, it just kinda… happened.

Before he could realize it, he had let out a long sigh. As his eyes went from the stars to the people around the fire, he noticed that the three musicians were staring at him. He felt really exposed for some reason and decided it was time to leave. He stood up and stretched his arms.

"Thank you for the meal."

He didn't have the time to turn around before the older musician started talking to him again.

"I don't think you've completely freed yourself. Actually, I don't think you can ever be truly free."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"You were thinking of someone. Probably the same person to whom you entrusted the future of the city you hated."

Nezumi's eyes were growing dark.

"So? If I trust him to do the right thing, then I can leave and do whatever I want."  
"That burden you used to carry, it wasn't a small one. To be able to leave it into the hands of another person, it has to be someone special."  
"Will you just cut the crap and get to the point?"  
"You have ties with that person. You think you're free now, but eventually you will go back to them."

Nezumi snorted.

"What do you know about me to say that?"  
"I'm pretty good at reading people. You are still young. Something happened to you before that forced you to grow up earlier than regular kids, but by doing that you closed yourself up emotionally. Still, you managed to let someone into your life and even trust them –"

He didn't want to hear it anymore. Nezumi spoke again before the man could finish.

"I've heard enough. Stop spewing shit about people you don't even know."

He lowered his head, and spoke very low, almost as if he was talking to himself.

"Besides, we're too different. There's no way we could live our lives together."

He turned around, and didn't stop to listen as the musician spoke once again.

"Being different doesn't make things impossible. It makes them interesting."

 _"Whatever_ ", Nezumi muttered under his breath as he walked away. He was angry at himself for letting someone see through him. Did he soften a bit during the last years, far away from the West Block? Or maybe that guy was more trained at reading people than the average person but still… It really pissed him off.

 _"Shion is a person of the past."_  This time, he had said it out loud. He heard an insistent chirp coming from his shoulder. Hamlet seemed to disagree with that last statement.

"What, you think that guy was right?"

Again, Hamlet chirped vigorously.

"Tsk. You just want to see your friend again. Go to sleep."

The mouse let out a jaded sound and stayed silent all the way back to Nezumi's small room. As he entered, he gently put both mice down on the desk next to his bed, and let himself fall flat on his back. He could see the star-filled sky above his head through the roof window. He lied there for a while, replaying the bard's words in his mind over and over again. They were just words, idiotic ignorant words, uttered by someone who knew nothing about him or Shion… but they were haunting him.

He sure trusted Shion, and believed he was someone special. That said, he also believed in leaving the past behind and living however he wanted, going wherever he wanted.

_Then… where do I want to go next?_

By forcing himself not to go back there, was he really free? He thought back to how often Shion had popped into his mind during the last years. If he was truly honest with himself… He cringed and took his face in his hands. His brain was fighting against something deeper inside him. His brain didn't want to admit it. But somehow, maybe because the musician's words had just triggered something that was there for a long time, or maybe because he had just reached his limit… Somehow, Nezumi decided it was time to stop denying that other part of him.

_Maybe… I would probably be ok with the hypothetical possibility of seeing Shion again._  
 _It's a long way back to No.6 anyway._  
 _I can still change my mind if I want to._  
 _I can do whatever I want._ __  


His hands left his face and he sat up. He turned his head to look at Hamlet and Cravat who hadn't stopped staring at him since they came back to the room. He had no idea if they could live long enough to make it there, but some encouragement could only benefit his struggling mind.

"So, how would you like to eat some of Karan's bread again?"

The two little mice chirped happily. Under the pale light from the window, a soft smile could be seen curving Nezumi's lips.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks to everyone who read the first chapter!  
> Here's the second part – Anger – and this time it will be about Shion. Because as much as Shion loves Nezumi and believes in him, I can't see anyone just waiting patiently for years… there must be times when it has to be too hard to deal with. Anyway, that's my take on it; I hope you will like it!
> 
> Again, please forgive me if my grammar/spelling is not perfect, I'm not a native English speaker.

 

**Chapter 2 - Anger**

Sometimes, Shion was just angry. He was angry at himself for working too late and making his mother worry. He was angry at himself for being too nice and not always being able to correctly handle the people who tried to defy him. Then he would be angry at those people for trying to pull the same crap as the former higher-ups did. He was angry at them for not being able to draw lessons from the past, and just wanting the power to themselves.

Of course, there were still people who were honestly willing to help him, and his mother kept telling him he was doing a good job… But there were days when he just had enough of everything. The citizens of No.6 had been used to being separated into different social classes for so many years – sometimes their whole lives – and changing that had not been an easy task. The former upper class of course didn't want to let go of their privileges, whereas the lower classes were pushing for equality.

All of this was without counting the people from the West Block. It had been hard for the citizens of the former city of No.6 to accept them, given all the crazy rumors that used to circulate about this area. The fact that their habits of stealing and fighting for food didn't disappear right away didn't help much as well. Shion had pushed for several projects aiming to help people from the West Block find jobs; as well as an urbanization plan to build new apartment complexes in different areas of the city in order to provide everyone with a decent accommodation.

It had taken time, but now, more than three years after the walls fell, you could walk around without being able to tell if someone came from Chronos, the West Block, or any other former area of No.6. Still, there were unresolved tensions among the citizens and it reflected during his work meetings.

Sitting at his desk, he sighed deeply and took his head in his hands. He was exhausted. He had been stuck in pointless meetings all morning and spent the rest of the day returning calls and messages as well as drafting a preliminary report for a new university project. He lay back in his chair and looked outside. The sun was already almost down and his mother had left him a message saying she had invited Inukashi and Rikiga for dinner, so he couldn't afford to be too late.

Almost as if to confirm this last thought, a loud chirping came from the shelf behind him. A small black mouse was settled on the books and staring at Shion intently. It was Tsukiyo, the only one of Nezumi's mice that had decided to stay with him. The shelf was not that big, but Shion had filled it with some of the books that used to be in their underground room in the West Block. Whenever he felt particularly low during a work day, reading a few pages would usually calm him down.

"I know, I know, you're hungry and I should be there already. Let me just get my things."

Shion picked up his bag and put it on his shoulder. He held his hand towards Tsukiyo so that the mouse would climb easily onto his arm. The small animal was old and not as lively as it used to be… But Shion could only be happy that it was still here, since Nezumi still hadn't returned…

_Assuming you will actually return…_

Shion trusted Nezumi to fulfill his promise. He really wanted to believe in him, to believe that he hadn't been waiting in vain for the last three years. But some days… it was just harder than usual to stay positive.

_Anyway, let's not go there now._

He turned off his office's light and walked past the other empty offices. Everyone else had left already; he was usually the last one out. Sometimes he really had too much work, and sometimes he just didn't want to face his mother or his friends… much less his empty apartment. The people close to him were always asking him how he was doing with too much concern in their voices. He knew they meant well, but he really didn't want to talk about it, and he hated to make people worry like that. Truth is, he also hated that they could so easily see through him.

Karan was still living at the bakery, which was about twenty minutes away from Shion's office if he walked. He really didn't mind the walk; he found it rather relaxing actually as it made him go through a quiet area of the city. His own apartment was also not very far away. He only got it a few months ago, as he was getting almost 20 years old he thought it was time to live by himself. Shion would still visit his mother often, but he liked the privacy. On a bad day, it was easier to deal with his issues alone than having to add her worried face to the list. It had also allowed him to recover all of Nezumi's books, which were now perfectly organized inside the bookshelves covering the walls of his room. There would never have been enough space at his mother's place for that.

As he arrived in front of the bakery's door, Shion could already smell his mother's cooking and overhear the familiar voices of his friends. He opened the door and was almost immediately greeted by a brown dog running towards him, yapping happily. Shion smiled and knelt down to stroke the dog's head. He felt his leg being pulled and saw that little Shionn was holding on to it. He had grown really cute, yet was still a little shy. His big brown eyes were staring at Shion, who in return gave him a big smile.

"Hello Shionn, thank you for coming to greet me at the door."

Little Shionn said nothing and hid his face behind the leg he was holding. Shion chuckled lightly at this sight. A voice came out of the hallway, it was Inukashi's.

"So, are you going to join us or will you be eating your dinner in front of the door?"  
"Ha, sorry, I'll be right there!"

Shion stood up and the brown-haired child looked at him again. He took one small hand in his own and spoke gently.

"So, shall we join your mama and have dinner?"

Shionn did not answer but clutched his hand tighter and started walking clumsily towards the dining room. When they arrived there, he let go of Shion's hand and ran to Inukashi's side. She took the small boy in her arms and sat him on her lap. Inukashi did not try so hard at hiding her gender as she used to, even though she was still dressing a bit as a tomboy. Rikiga was already there too, sitting across the table from Inukashi; and Shion could see his mother putting the final touches to her dinner from the kitchen's door.

"Good evening everyone, sorry I'm late. Mom, do you need help?"  
"Oh I'm fine, don't worry! Just sit down; I'll join you right away."

Shion joined Rikiga and Inukashi at the table, as they greeted him happily.

"Working late, as usual?" Rikiga asked.  
"Ha yes… between the new projects and taking care of the complaints, the job hasn't become much easier…"  
"Do people still complain so much after three years?" Inukashi's voice had a surprised tone in it.  
"Well, not as much as before, sure. But a lot of people still haven't accepted the way we reorganized the city. Former elites, mostly… It can't be helped I guess."

Karan interrupted, carrying a huge plate of her famous stew to the table. She started to fill her guests' plates with it while talking.

"I think the Restructuration Committee has done a really good job. The life in the city feels so different than it did before… I don't feel restricted in my actions or thoughts, and to be honest it's nice to be able to enjoy books again, as well as all those other forms of art you imported from other cities."

Shion sipped some water from his glass absently. He didn't really want to talk about his job right now, especially since anything involving books or art made him think of Nezumi. He already wasn't in a really good mood tonight, so he quickly changed the subject.

"Anyway, Rikiga, how is the newspaper doing?"  
"Ha quite good, thank you. The business has not stopped growing, and we have hired quite a lot of people as well."  
"That's nice", Shion said with a smile. "And what about you Inukashi? I believe the construction of your hotel's new wing is almost finished?"  
"It should open next month in fact. Thank you for supporting my request by the way."  
"Ah, no problem, of course! If I can help you or Rikiga in any way I would gladly do it."

Little Shionn ran from Inukashi's lap to Karan's, and the older Shion laughed softly.

"I guess he's less shy with you than with me, mom."  
"I don't think you should worry about that, he's just more used to me, that's all."  
"You should come and visit us at the hotel more often! The dogs miss you, you know."

His mother and Inukashi's voices didn't have any hint of reproach in them, but the words still hit Shion pretty hard. He swallowed a mouthful of stew with some bread and shook his head, trying to sound normal.

"Hm, sure. Sorry I haven't been around that much."  
"Ha, don't worry Shion", Rikiga said. "The little brat never comes towards me either."  
"Of course he doesn't, I taught him not to go near people like you!", Inukashi said in a defiant tone.  
"And what exactly do you mean by that, doggy-boy… girl?"

Shion relaxed at his friends familiar bickering. Some things just stayed the same, and he started laughing out loud, soon followed by his mother and his friends.

The rest of the evening went on nicely, but Shion was gradually feeling quite exhausted. He tried to look casual and happy, but the truth is that by the end of the dinner, every time someone mentioned the fact that he was working too hard or that they didn't see him as often as before, it felt like a hard blow to his chest.

_Have I really been neglecting them so much lately?_  
 _But I really have a lot of work to do… they just don't understand how hard it is._  
 _Why doesn't anyone understand… I need to work…_ __  


He felt a headache coming on behind his forehead and closed his eyes for a second, pinching the bridge of his nose to try and make it go away.

"Shion, are you feeling ok?"

He opened his eyes. The voice had been his mother's, but everyone had a worried look on their faces.

"Ha, yes, I'm just tired, don't worry."  
"You shouldn't push yourself so hard, Shion…"  
"I know, sorry mom."  
"You should take a vacation. I may let you stay at the hotel for free if you help me with Shionn and the dogs", Inukashi said with a wink.  
"Thanks Inukashi, but I can't…"  
"Don't tell us you can't even take a few days off to rest! Is the Restructuration Committee really forcing you to work until you drop?", Rikiga asked.

Shion's mind wasn't even trying to process their words anymore. The pain inside his head had grown stronger and he felt his heart beat strongly at his temples. He closed his eyes again.

_Leave me alone._  
 _I don't want to take a vacation. I don't want to rest. I don't want to think._  
 _Can't you understand? I don't want to think… It hurts… My head hurts…_ __  


"Just… Stop it! Everyone, stop it!"

He almost shouted those words. Without realizing it, he had stood up, hands on the table, his body shaking. His mother and his friends were staring at him in shock. Little Shionn stopped playing with the dog and ran to Inukashi's arms, obviously scared by Shion's outburst. Actually, Shion was probably the most surprised that he had let himself go like that.

The white-haired boy took a deep breath and quickly collected himself.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to yell like that. I'm just so tired… I know you all mean well, but, really, I don't need a vacation… Right now I just need to go home and sleep. I'm sorry. I'm glad I could see you though, thank you."

He left the dining room to grab his coat and bag, and gently woke up Tsukiyo who was sleeping next to the plate of bread Karan had laid out for him. The little mouse climbed on his shoulder, and Shion was about to open the door when he felt his mother's hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry Shion. I just wanted to cheer you up."  
"I know, and I'm the one who needs to apologize…"  
"Somehow… I think I understand why you would want to spend so much time at work. But I'm your mother, and they're your friends. So of course we worry about you."  
"I know… It's just…"

He looked away. He didn't want to talk about it.

"I know. Please just… be careful not to neglect your health too much, ok?"  
"I'll try. I'm sorry to make you worry… I'll just go to sleep now."

He hugged his mother and left the house. The cold air of the night filled his lungs and he could almost feel it going to his brain and dull the throbbing pain a little. He made his way to his place walking fast, but stopped for a second in front of his apartment door. Every time he opened it, he couldn't help but imagine Nezumi waiting for him inside. He always left his window open, just in case.

Shion opened the door in a swift move and turned on the lights. No one was there.

_Of course you're not there. Why would today be any different?_

Three years. To him it already felt like forever. To some extent, he understood that Nezumi wanted to see the world and be on his own for a while… But why did he have to leave Shion in the dark? He promised him that they would be reunited, and Shion had put so much hope into those words. He had hung on to them for all of this time, but if they had kept him safe at first… now they felt like a cage. He was trapped by those words, doomed to jump up at every sound coming from outside, doomed to have his hopes crushed day after day as he came home to an empty apartment. His friends were worried, his mother was worried, and he sometimes felt so stupid for desperately hanging on to this promise. And today he had even lost his calm and yelled at the only people who seemed to care about him.

_Right… Like you would care… Being away for so long…_

Shion winced in pain. Letting anger get to him did not do any good to his headache. He needed to sleep anyway. He got some medicine for the pain from the bathroom and climbed into his bed. Even though he had a lot on his mind, he was so exhausted that he fell asleep after only a few minutes. Tsukiyo settled himself on the pillow next to Shion's, not without staring at the white-haired boy for a moment, like he could somehow feel his distress.

* * *

It was still the middle of the night, but Shion was woken up by the startling sound of thunder. A storm was raging outside. The wind was howling and because the window was wide open his curtains were flying madly inside the room. He could hear the rain spattering on the balcony, and reluctantly thought that a good part of the floor was going to get drenched if he didn't close the window.

Groaning a little at being woken up so suddenly, Shion got out of bed and started walking. With every movement of the curtains, he could get glimpses of the city illuminated by lightning. His heart started to beat faster as he approached the window, his eyes unable to look away from the storm. It was nothing like the typhoon that had happened on his 12th birthday, but he was still mesmerized by the sight in front of him.

Forgetting why he had gotten up in the first place, Shion opened the window even wider and stepped on the balcony, barefoot, his cotton pajamas getting drenched almost instantaneously. He walked towards the edge and put his hands over the railing before throwing his head back to feel the cold rain wash over it. He stayed like that for a while, eyes closed, not really thinking, only listening to the thunder, the rain, the wind…

_The wind…_

He shut his eyes tighter and clenched the railing to stop his body from shaking. Unable to hold it in anymore, he doubled over, his forehand landing over his left hand. Eyes still closed, holding on to the railing for dear life, he let out a loud cry.

It was not a cry of pain. Neither was it the same cry as seven years ago… It was deeper, more powerful… It was a cry of rage, of frustration. The cry of someone unable to let go, unable even to want to let go, no matter how hard it has become to keep holding on. Tears of rage merged with the rain on his face as he fell to his knees, his sobs taking over him.

Shion remained on the balcony for a few minutes, letting go all of the frustration that had piled up inside of him lately. It was only when he felt himself shivering that he realized he was going to get sick. He looked up, his eyes hazy with tears, and took a deep breath before getting up and back inside the room.

He couldn't bring himself to close the window completely, but blocked it with the edge of a chair so that the wind could not force it open. He frowned a little at his inability to do such a simple thing as closing a window, but his freezing body quickly reminded him that he needed a towel and a change of clothes.

Once he was dry and wearing something warm, Shion got back into his bed and sat there for a while. He had left the curtains open, so he could watch the storm from the inside. He put his chin on his knees and wrapped his arms around his legs.

_Can you see me, Nezumi?_  
 _Can you hear me scream into the night?_  
 _When you left… I thought I understood why. I thought I would just wait patiently for you to come back. I thought my feelings for you would be enough to hold on until your return._ __  


_But…_

_How many times do I have to wake up alone?_  
 _How many times do I have to feel my heart race at the slightest sound?_  
 _How many times do I have to get my hopes crushed before I just can't get enough?_ __  


_I don't know where you are. Do people treat you right? Did you make friends? Did you fall in love?_  
 _I don't even know if you're healthy. What if something had happened to you?_ __  


Shion felt tears well up again behind his eyes at his last thoughts. He quickly dismissed the idea… There was no way Nezumi would let himself be erased from this world easily. Still, his chest hurt, like his heart was being crushed from the inside. He closed his eyes and put his hands in his arms.

_Knowing nothing… is so hard…_

Shion felt powerless. Even if he decided to abandon everything and go on a trip to find Nezumi, he wouldn't know where to start. Anyway, there was no way he would ever do that. He had made a promise to Safu, a promise that he would never dare to break. He just needed to believe that Nezumi would honor his own promise as well.

The white-haired boy took a deep breath and lay back down on the bed, his arms crossed over his head. He felt himself quiet down a little. He needed to hold on, he needed to be strong. For himself, for his mother, for his friends, for Safu… and for Nezumi. Deep down, he was convinced Nezumi would come back. And even when it became too hard, even when the pain was too much to handle and he felt like screaming and punching everything in the room, he would still believe in him.

So yes, sometimes Shion would be angry at everything. Angry at the citizens for being self-centered and not trying to understand how hard it is to rebuild a city. Angry at some members of the Restructuration Committee for being driven by their thirst for power. Angry at himself for expecting Nezumi's return every minute of every day; for throwing himself into his work in order to keep his mind focused on something else thus neglecting his mother and his friends – as well as make them worry.

_And you know what the worst part is? I'm not even mad at you._

**TO BE CONTINUED**

* * *

Yes, I know that real mice would never live that long… But real bees are also not supposed to kill you from inside your body so… I guess it's not too disturbing, is it? And seriously, I just can't bring myself to kill them; they're such important characters in the main story…  
Anyway, I hope you liked this second chapter, and I'll try my best to work on the third one in October – as it will probably be impossible for me to update in November.


	3. Bargaining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks to all of you who read the previous chapters!
> 
> In this third chapter, "Bargaining", we meet with Nezumi again. It takes place roughly one year after the first two chapters – yeah, he really took his time coming back, that idiot^^
> 
> Anyway, things were so crazy this month that I'm really glad I managed to finish it. And I really hope you will enjoy reading it :-)
> 
> By the way I have to put this story on hiatus until about the second half of December because I will travel for a month and half and then go back to my home country – so sorry about that. But since leaving Japan makes me unbelievably sad, it will be the perfect timing to write the "Depression" chapter^^
> 
> Again, please forgive me if my grammar/spelling is not perfect, I'm not a native English speaker.

**Chapter 3 - Bargaining**

_Those lights…_

The early spring sun was setting down behind him, and Nezumi could now see a few artificial lights glimmering on the horizon. It was the first glimpse of No.6 he had gotten in almost four years now. He felt a tightening in his chest and it was getting suddenly harder to breathe. Looking around briefly, the raven-haired boy spotted a rock and sat down on it, trying to relax a little.

Coming back from No.2 had taken him almost a year. He could have gotten here faster, but he wanted to walk and kept on making small detours in order to see things he hadn't seen yet. Hamlet and Cravat protested a lot, but Nezumi would argue that he was a free man and that not doing what he wanted on the way back would mean he had already given up on his wandering nature. Truth is, the idea of going back to No.6 scared the hell out of him. He had no idea what he would do once he came back… He would go and visit Shion, but then what?

_Dammit, I don't even know what I want anymore!_

Going back to Shion… why, actually? Because he promised? Because he actually wants it? Ever since he had started his journey back to No.6, Nezumi had felt like an invisible force was pulling him towards the city. An irresistible pull that his mind had desperately tried to fight back… and apparently failed to do so, if those wavering lights were any indications. He thought he would have time to figure things out on the way, but those unknown feelings unnerved him so much that he had kept on postponing the issue. But now… here he was.

He turned his head to look back at the path he had just come from.  _I can still turn back. It's not too late._

As if they had read their master's thoughts, Hamlet and Cravat ran down from Nezumi's shoulder to his thigh, and started jumping and chirping fiercely. Somehow, the old little mice seemed to have regained energy as they drew closer to No.6.

"What the hell are you getting upset about? I didn't say anything, did I?"

The mice let out a few more annoyed sounds before staring silently at Nezumi. The dark-haired boy studied them for a while and sighed softly.

"Fine. Let's just find a place to sleep."

Letting his companions climb back up on his shoulder, he wondered if he had been using them as an excuse during the past year. They always protested whenever he strayed from his path, and he always ended up reluctantly giving in to their demands. But come on, there was no way mice would be able to order a grown male around… It was just a way to avoid admitting that he did want to come back… somehow.

_Just… stop thinking already! I'm back anyway, what does it matter what I was thinking back then?_

Wrapping himself in his superfiber cloth, he settled himself on the soft grass beneath an old tree. Whenever he had to sleep outside, he would always keep one hand firmly clenched around his knife. His survival instincts were never completely asleep. That night however, the only thing that would trouble his sleep was his own heart, beating madly inside his chest until he could finally fall asleep.

* * *

It was only the beginning of the afternoon when Nezumi entered the West Block. The walls that used to surround No.6 had been destroyed four years earlier, and he couldn't see any remains from where he was standing. The last time Nezumi had been in the West Block was at the time of the Hunt, and even without that dreadful memory, the place was almost unrecognizable.

Looking around, the West Block now looked quite similar to the other cities Nezumi had visited during his travels. People wore decent clothes, and walked around peacefully. There were many little shops, all of them selling products that didn't look rotten, and no one seemed to be particularly afraid of getting robbed or mugged. The buildings were all new, the old streets had been renovated… and the smell, this characteristic smell of death that used to be surrounding everything back then, it was now gone and replaced by the scent of food and cars.

_Did you do all that?_

Nezumi was convinced it was all Shion's doing. Even after the government's conspiracy had been exposed, there was no way a regular citizen of this so-called utopia would have shown any kind of consideration towards the West Block and its inhabitants. Knowing Shion, Nezumi had expected to see this place in better shape than before… but this was really beyond what he had imagined.

He felt a shiver run down his spine and quickly threw a glance to his right side. A brown dog was staring at him from behind a building. Clicking his tongue, Nezumi decided he had done enough sightseeing for the day. He started walking hurriedly in the direction of his old hideout, his senses on alert.

The underground room was a little further away from the rest of the West Block, and Nezumi couldn't decide if he was surprised or not that this area seemed to be untouched. He couldn't sense the dog following him anymore, but still he wondered if he would be having some visit later on. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door to his old place.

"What the hell happened here?"

The dark-haired boy stood on the doorstep, eyes opened wide. Apart from the bed and the wooden bookshelves, the room was completely empty. He took a few steps inside.

_Shion, what did you…_

His train of thought was interrupted by a growl. The dog was back. Nezumi didn't have to turn around to know who was accompanying it.

"Call off your mutt, will you?"

The sound of a laughter resonated around the empty room.

"Ha! I thought I smelled your foul scent again. Can't say I've missed it, though."

Nezumi finally turned around to face Inukashi. He stared at her for a few seconds before speaking again.

"So what, are you supposed to be a girl now?"  
"And you, did you finally decide to be a man?" she answered with a smirk.  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"  
"What I mean? I mean that four years ago you ran away like a scared little girl and left Shion alone to rebuild the city."

Nezumi's eyes shot daggers.

"Fuck off. I don't have to explain myself to you."  
"And I couldn't care less about anything you'd say. But I'm sure someone else would be very interested to listen… does he even know you're back?"  
"No. And don't you dare tell him."

Inukashi stared at him intently and started laughing once again.

"This is so precious! Who would have guessed the oh-so-dangerous Nezumi could be such a coward?"

Nezumi's eyes grew darker. He closed the space between them and caught Inukashi by her collar.

"Don't think that you being a girl would stop me from beating you up."  
"As if you ever were a gentleman. But I would back off if I were you."

The dog started growling again and moved closer to Nezumi.

"Then stop talking bullshit."

Inukashi shook her head and sighed.

"Alright, alright. Geez, you're still no fun, I can't even tease you a little after four years…"

Nezumi let her go and backed a little. The dog settled on the ground next to Inukashi, and the dark-haired boy started to walk slowly around the room.

"Did he take all of my stuff?"  
"Yes. We helped him move everything… Something about not wanting it to go to waste… Seeing you here, I wish he'd taken that bed too. I was stupid enough to tell him that if you'd ever come back you'd probably chicken out and hide here for a while. He didn't say anything but he left the bed anyway… Would have served you right to sleep on the floor."

Nezumi didn't answer but looked at the bed uneasily.

"Tsk. He's way too nice for his own good. I don't even understand why he would do something nice for you after you…"

She ended her sentence midway when she saw the glance Nezumi shot at her. She looked up and passed a hand in her hair.

"He did a lot of good things here you know. It's been hard on him; no one wanted to care about us. But he made things happen somehow. Ha, I remember how clueless he was when you first brought him here. I wouldn't have expected this from him back then."

Nezumi was still staring at her when he sat abruptly on the bed and leaned back on his hands.

"Yes, yes, I know, Shion's full of surprises. Don't you have anything better to do anyway?"  
"Now, is that a way to talk to someone who saved your life four years ago?"  
"I thought you said you didn't miss me. Changed your mind?"  
"Geez, you really haven't changed one bit, you're still just as annoying as you used to be…"

She heard a noise coming from the hallway and saw Nezumi stiffen. Unlike her, he couldn't know who this was. A smile curled her lips.

"Relax, it's just Shionn."

Nezumi's eyes widened and he stood up.

"What?"

He was staring at the door anxiously, but then realized that the person coming through it was much smaller than expected. The little boy was holding a white paper bag in his hands and he was accompanied by a black dog. Inukashi kneeled to pat the boy's hair and looked back at Nezumi who had just fallen back on the bed, his hand covering his eyes.

"Problem?"  
"Seriously… why the hell would you call him that?"  
"Ah, see, that was because I was actually pissed at your little airhead for leaving him with me at first."  
"He's not  _my_  airhead."  
"Yeah, sure. Just remind me who brought him here in the first place?"

Nezumi clicked his tongue exasperatedly and turned his head towards the wall. Inukashi looked at little Shionn, who was still holding on to the paper bag.

"What have you got here Shionn?"  
"I met Aunty Karan in the market, she gave me some muffins!"

From the corner of her eyes, Inukashi could see Nezumi shift briefly at the mention of Shion's mother.

"That was nice of her, I hope you said 'thank you', right?"  
"Yes, I did!" He looked at Nezumi. "Is he your friend?"

She chuckled and Nezumi stared back at them.

"Ah, he's someone I haven't seen for a long time. He's a friend of Shion, though."  
"Oh, I like Shion! Will we go and see him soon?"  
"Maybe, you know he works a lot. And he's been sick, so maybe he's really tired now."  
"Oh ok…" the boy pouted a little.

Nezumi took a few steps towards them. As he spoke, Inukashi could swear she heard concern in his voice, which startled her a little.

"Wait, what do you mean he's been sick?"

She stood back up, as Shionn was now focusing on the muffin he had taken out of the bag.

"Don't worry; he was mostly exhausted from work. He's pushing himself too hard… but it's hard to talk to him about it. Last year he almost yelled at us when we suggested he took a vacation…"  
"Tsk, that guy…"

She felt a hint of anger in her chest, but she tried to remain calm.

"You know, I don't think it's much of a mystery why he would want to work all the time. I'll leave you alone to think about it. And if you're still here tomorrow I'll let my dogs at you."  
"Who said you could come back here tomorrow."  
"Seriously Nezumi, just get your act together! Stay away or come back, but don't dwell here in the middle. It's lame, even for you." She turned her head back at little Shionn, who was finishing his muffin. "Shionn, let's go home!"  
"Ha, Mama, wait!"

The little boy took another muffin out of the bag and took a few steps towards Nezumi, holding out his hand. The dark-haired boy looked at him somewhat baffled.

"You're a friend of Shion, so take it!"

Nezumi's eyes went wide at the kid's innocent smile, and Inukashi had to hold back her laughter. Nezumi took the muffin hesitantly and whispered a soft "thank you", and then Shionn turned back and followed the dogs in the hallway. Inukashi waved briefly at Nezumi before disappearing after them.

The dark-haired boy turned his head to stare at the wall and felt his chest tighten again. He swallowed hard and managed to speak while Inukashi was still within earshot.

"Inukashi?"  
"What?"  
"…Does Shion hate me?"  
"Tsk, idiot! Do you really believe that could happen? I do hope he punches you, though."

Nezumi didn't answer and waited until he could sense they had left before letting himself fall flat onto the bed. He held up his right arm above his head and stared for a while at the muffin he was holding before letting the back of his hand rest on his forehead. He closed his eyes. Inukashi's words about Shion were still resonating in his head.

_"Shion's pushing himself too hard."_  
 _"Get your act together."_  
 _"Stay away or come back."_

"Shit!"

Nezumi sat back up on the bed, elbows resting on his knees, his left hand covering his face. He hated this. He had spent so many years shielding himself from any kind of emotional attachment, but ever since a certain white-haired airhead came into his life this shield had started to shatter. What had he been thinking anyway? That Shion would have patiently waited and been happy? He perfectly knew that Shion was attached to him; hell, he had said it many times.

Although he had never wanted to hurt him, he had left anyway. He had left Shion behind, alone to rebuild a city from scratch. He had left Shion alone to try and detach himself from him; so why did Inukashi's words made him feel so guilty?

_Because I failed. I never detached myself. Four years and he never left my mind._  
 _I'm such an idiot._

Nezumi couldn't decide which made him hate himself the most… the fact that he couldn't manage to get Shion out of his head, or the fact that he knew he had hurt him.

_I never wanted to hurt him._

If you don't care about someone, then you don't care if you hurt them. This simple thought was enough proof that Nezumi cared for Shion. Although admitting it was not an easy task… now that he was back, the implications scared the hell out of him.

_If I go back to him, will I ever be able to leave? Will I ever want to leave?_

All of his life, he had longed to leave this dreadful place and see the world. His revenge achieved, he had finally been able to do it. He had visited all the other cities, climbed mountains, bathed in rivers, walked through forests… He had seen the world. But he had never found any place he deemed worthy to stay longer than a few months. If he kept travelling, where would he go eventually? Did he really want to live his whole life alone, wandering from place to place without any attachment?

Years ago, this wouldn't even have been a question. That was the plan. He had never needed anyone, he would never need anyone. A thirst for freedom was coursing through his veins, and he thought a lifetime wouldn't be enough to quench it.

But then Shion came into his life. He was naïve and incredibly annoying, and yet he had given him something he never would have expected from anyone. He had sheltered him, fed him, shared his warmth with him, and never judged him. Even when they lived together in the West Block, Shion always seemed to look at him beyond his emotionless facade. Somehow, Nezumi had even let his guard down with him. They had talked together; laughed together… and even faced death together.

_I want to see him._

The look in Shion's eyes when he had left suddenly flashed in his mind and he shut his eyes tighter. His heartbeat sped up and he took a deep breath.

_I want to see him._

He felt a surge of emotions threatening to take over him but managed to control himself. There was guilt from knowing he had caused Shion pain; an indescribable need to see him again; and fear, a paralyzing fear at what this need meant and what his life would become if he went to see him. He was afraid to lose his freedom and be trapped by Shion and those feelings he had for him. But he was even more scared that if he actually went back and accepted these emotions; then he would expose himself to even more pain if he ever were to lose Shion.

Those were his options. He could leave now and never come back to No.6 again. He would forever have to live with the guilt of breaking his promise and those feelings would also never be dealt with… but he wouldn't have to face any stronger pain. It was manageable. The cowardly way out.  
Or he could man up, like Inukashi said. He could swallow his fear and cross the few miles that still separated him from Shion, and see what happens next. It would expose himself to a more stationary life and possible pain, but he could also get something good out of it.

He sighed and looked up at the empty bookshelves. Hamlet and Cravat had left his shoulder while he was thinking and were now looking at him from one of the shelves.

"Want some muffin?"

The mice chirped happily and jumped onto the bed. Nezumi laid pieces of the muffin next to him and they started eating hungrily. This scene somehow reminded him of other times when he and Shion had shared their food with the mice. Even if the room was now empty, it was still filled with warm memories… Shion reading to the mice, Shion cooking dinner when he came back from work, them laughing, arguing, fighting, dancing… that stupid goodnight kiss which had somehow brought tears to his eyes for the first time in years.

He took a bite of the muffin. It was cold, but it was still delicious. The taste brought him back years ago, on their first morning after escaping the Correctional Facility. Karan baking breakfast, the smell of food, the warmth of the house… the warmth of a family. Even if he hadn't known that the walls surrounding No.6 had crumbled, he would still have appreciated how relaxing it was. Living people sure  _were_  warm, in many different ways.

During the years he spent traveling, did he ever feel the same warmth? Those amazing sceneries he saw, did they feel as soothing as that very morning?

_Why do I even keep arguing with myself?_  
 _How long will I keep trying to delay the inevitable with a bunch of pointless questions?_

Swallowing the last bit of the muffin, Nezumi sighed and rested his back against the wall. His right hand grabbed the back of his head and he inhaled deeply.

"I want to see him".

Nezumi's voice had been low and unsteady. He closed his eyes.

_Even if it scares me to my core._  
 _I want to see him._  
 _That's all I need to know for now._

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	4. Depression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks to all of you who read the previous chapters!
> 
> Sorry for the long wait… Moving back was pretty horrible, and took up most of my time and energy. But I am back and ready to finish this story!! Here we have the fourth chapter, “Depression”, which is about Shion and as you would guess it’s not a happy chapter… But don’t worry, it should get better next time^^
> 
> Again, please forgive me if my grammar/spelling is not perfect, I'm not a native English speaker.

**Chapter 4 - Depression**

_Hot… so hot… I want to sleep…_

Shion's eyelids were heavy, so heavy he couldn't even open them. His head hurt like millions of needles were sticking into his brain, and he could feel his whole body burning.

_What happened?_

He was lying in a bed and he could hear footsteps nearby. Which reality was it? He tried to open his eyes again but even the smallest ray of light made his head hurt even more. Everything was hazy. He felt a hand to the back of his head, lifting it a little; and water being brought to his lips. The coldness of the water contrasted with the warmth of his body and he could almost feel the fresh liquid flow through his veins, making him feel better.

_Fresh water… Nezumi…_

His hazy mind brought back equally blurry memories from the time when Nezumi had nursed him back to health after he had almost died from the parasitic wasp. Were they really memories? What time was it? Wasn't this happening right now?

_The Correctional Facility… Safu…_

Had it all been a dream? A weird and vivid fever-induced dream following the surgery Nezumi had performed on him?

_But Nezumi's gone…_

Is he really? Wasn't he just helping him drink? Were they not in the underground room together? Shion felt his heart rate rising. He needed to know. If he opened his eyes, would Nezumi be here? Hope helped him gather all the strength left in his body and he managed to let one word escape his mouth.

"…Nezumi…?"

There was no answer. When a voice finally broke the excruciating silence, Shion's heart broke into pieces as he recognized whose it was.

"Sorry darling…"

Slowly and painfully, Shion managed to open his eyes and looked at his mother who was sitting next to his bed. Her face was pale and she looked extremely worried.

"Mom… what… what happened?"  
"You collapsed at work this morning… One of your colleagues found you unconscious in your office. You have a huge fever, and the doctor said you can't leave your bed for the next week."

Shion didn't answer.

"Shion… if you felt sick this morning why didn't you stay home?"  
"…I'm sorry… I just… "

Shion couldn't finish his sentence as he started coughing. Karan helped him drink some more water so that he could calm down.

"It's ok, don't speak for now", she said, stroking his hair.  
"…Sorry…"  
"Just get some sleep. I'll stay in your apartment tonight."

Shion closed his eyes and she left the room to let him rest. Alone in his bed, Shion found it hard to fight back the tears that were pooling behind his eyes. For a brief moment, Nezumi had been here beside him. It was another time, another reality. A reality in which Shion wouldn't have to wake up alone and face another day without seeing Nezumi's eyes. He opened his eyes again and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, swallowing the sobs that were threatening to overtake him. His head was spinning though, and the fever soon made him fall back asleep, tears still streaming down his face.

* * *

 

Three days after his collapse, Shion was already back at the office. Karan had begged him to take more time to rest, but he insisted that he had some urgent issues to take care of. Truth is, he really couldn't bear to be unoccupied any longer… his fever-induced dream had felt too real and he needed to get it out of his head.

The day was nearing its end, and if most employees had already gone home, Shion was still in his office. Sitting back in the small couch he usually used with important guests, he was absently looking out the window. The setting sun illuminated the rare clouds present in the sky and gave them bright orange and pink colors. The night would be peaceful, just like the previous day had been. Contrary to what he had told his mother, Shion didn't have any pressing issues to deal with. It was only the usual… following-up on ongoing projects and taking care of requests. But somehow, Shion had had a really hard time concentrating on his work.

Sighing, Shion let his head fall back on the cushions and closed his eyes. Ever since he had fallen sick, Nezumi's shadow had followed him everywhere. He would see his face in the people on the street; he would hear his voice in his head as he fell asleep… He had been able to wait so long because working hard somehow kept his thoughts focused on something else, but today it had been impossible.

_It's not like it's the first time I dream of you… So why?_

Four years… Had it really been this long? Nezumi's absence made days feel like months, and yet it seemed like only yesterday they were having dinner together in the underground room. How could those moments feel so close and yet so far? Shion's heart longed to get those times back, if only for one night.

_If I could just see you… Just one moment.  
I just need to know that you're alright…_

Shion was well-aware of his feelings for Nezumi. The dark-haired boy had once made fun of him when he had tried to put them into words, but now Shion knew that "attraction" and "love" were perfectly accurate.

He had never talked about it with anyone. Besides, he knew what people would say… When the person you love leaves you alone without any news for four years, there's only one advice people could give… But those people didn't know Nezumi. They didn't know what they had been through together. They didn't know that Nezumi promised him they would meet again. Even if it was against reason and logic, Shion wanted to believe in those words.

His eyes still closed, his mind brought back the memories of their parting day. Shion's heart had yelled at him to run after Nezumi, but he didn't. At that moment, no matter how excruciating it had been to see Nezumi disappear over the horizon, Shion knew that he himself had to stay. Four years later, this day was still haunting him. He remembered the feeling of Nezumi's lips against his own, the touch of Nezumi's hand on his face, the warmth in his eyes as he vowed to meet again…

_Wait… something's not right._

Shion's eyes snapped open. Shaking, he lowered his head and covered his face with both hands.

_Calm down, calm down, calm down._

Even though the memories had never left him, even though he could vividly remember every feeling he experienced on that day, Shion had just realized that the images had faded a little. Nezumi's face wasn't as detailed as it used to be. He could see Nezumi, and at the same time he wasn't sure it was really him. Were his bangs really that long? Did he smile to him this softly or was it more like a grin? His hand… where did his hand go after it left Shion's face? What part of those memories was the truth? What did his mind change over the years?

_Am I bound to forget…?_

Without thinking, he stood up and walked to the window. Staring at the orange sky, he put both his hands against the glass, and soon rested his forehead between them.

_Nezumi… where are you?_   
_I want to see your face. I want to hear your voice._   
_Why can't I remember all the details of your features? The way your hair moves with the wind. The quiet sound of your breath while you're asleep. The way your eyes glimmer when you're making fun of me._   
_All those little things…_

Shion realized that the more time passed, the more memories would fade away. If now it was only little details that were gone… will he eventually forget more? Sure, he had an amazing brain, but there was nothing he could do against the passage of time. It's not like he had any picture of Nezumi, or any recording of his voice. Also, the more he would suffer, the more his brain would try to help him… and forgetting was one way to do so. The rational part of his brain was telling him he had suffered enough, that he should let go of some memories and move on.

"No!" Shion shouted to himself, punching the glass next to his face. "No way! No way! I won't forget!"

_I don't want to forget._   
_From the moment that we met, it has always been you._   
_My precious, irreplaceable person._   
_I can't forget. I will never forget._

Realization struck and he stopped breathing for a second.

Shion had spent the last four years with Nezumi never leaving his mind, and yet fragment of memories still managed to slip away. It must have been no different for Nezumi. He knew that Nezumi would never forget about him, but what if the memory had lost its importance?

_What was I to you anyway? I was never able to know.  
Nezumi… do you still remember your promise? Do you still remember that I'm waiting for you?_

Shion knew it was foolish to think those things. No way Nezumi would forget. He believed it… or at least he wanted to believe it. He needed to believe it. And yet so much time had passed… He had spent so many stormy nights waiting by the window in vain; he had jumped out of his skin too many times after hearing a random sound in his apartment; he had spent too many mornings waking up and having forgotten for a second that Nezumi was gone, but turning around to face an empty bed… His mind wasn't thinking rationally anymore. And just like many other times, the pain inside his chest reached the limit of what Shion could bear, and he crumbled to the ground, sobbing helplessly.

Long minutes passed, and only the strangled sounds of Shion's crying could be heard in the room. The office grew darker as the sun went below the horizon, but Shion didn't notice it. As he knew he was alone in the building, he didn't hold back and let his tears flow out of his eyes until he couldn't cry anymore. He could still feel the pressure around his heart, but it was manageable again. Wiping his face and nose with a tissue, he wondered how he looked like, sitting on his office floor with his eyes swollen. A faint smile curved his lips.

_Maybe it's a good thing that you can't see me right now, or you'd make fun of me for crying like a girl…_

Shion stood up and leaned against the window again. His breathing wasn't regular yet, as a few remaining sobs kept escaping his throat, but he had calmed down a little.

_Come back Nezumi… Don't make me wait for you another year… I can't handle it anymore.  
There are so many things that I need to tell you… Please, let me talk to you again…_

He looked at his desk where Tsukiyo was staring back at him. The poor little mouse was always scared of Shion's breakdowns. The white-haired boy smiled softly and took a few steps to pat Tsukiyo's head.

"I'm sorry, Tsukiyo. I'll be fine, don't worry."

The mouse chirped softly and climbed up on Shion's shoulder, nuzzling against his neck. Moving his eyes to the side, Shion spotted the pile of blank paper on his desk. Sitting down on his office chair, he turned on the desk's lamp, picked up a pen and started writing.

_"Nezumi,_

_I don't have anywhere to send this letter to, but I wanted to write it anyway. I needed to write it._

_You've been away for almost four years now, but to me it seems already much longer than the four years after our first meeting._

_You taught me so much Nezumi. With you, I was able to accomplish things I would have never thought I could do. I was able to feel such a wide range of emotions… and I'm not only talking about… you know. I'm talking about the good things. How happy I was to simply share a meal with you every night. How mesmerized I was every time you were reading books out loud. How relieved I was when you woke up after collapsing. How perfect the world was when you kissed me, despite how heartbroken I was._

_When you left, I had barely started to figure out what kind of person I was and what I was able to do. I've done my best to build a new city, a city which you and Safu could be proud of. I could never have done it without everything I learned while being with you. I can't lie to you, it was hard. It was hard because people wouldn't listen, because the mistakes of the past always threatened to repeat themselves; but most of all it was hard because you weren't there._

_I know you had to go. I know it's been what you wanted all your life. You said you were afraid of me, and maybe I'm also able to understand why. Maybe I believe that when you have everything figured out, you will be able to come back like you promised. Maybe I know all of this, but it doesn't make it easier. It doesn't help me accept that even though I wanted to be by your side more than anything, it wasn't what you wanted. You didn't need me like I needed you._

_When I told you before that I was attracted to you, you quickly dismissed me. But I wasn't lying. Maybe I didn't have your oratory skills, and I certainly never will, but I was telling the truth. You mean everything to me, Nezumi. This new city that I've helped building, the smiles of our friends (yes, I know they're your friends too), the warmth of my mother's home… everything seems meaningless without you here. But I told you this already as you left, didn't I?_

_Nezumi, I don't know where you are or what you're doing. I don't know if you're healthy, or even still alive. All I have to hold on to are your parting words, your promise… But it's getting harder and harder. Why didn't you ever send any news? Was the idea of being with me something you despised so much that you had to live out on your own for so long? Somehow I can't believe it… I don't want to believe it._

_Nezumi, I could never forget you. As long as I live, even if you should never come back, I will wait for you to fulfill your promise and come back to me. And when that time comes, I will finally be able to tell you how much you mean to me, tell you exactly what I feel for you… and hopefully this time you will believe me._

_You will probably never read this letter, but if those words could find their way to you somehow… Please Nezumi, I need to know that you're alright. Even the smallest sign would be enough. I need to know that you're alright…_

_I miss you, Nezumi. I miss you so much I almost can't deal with it sometimes…"_

Shion let the pen fall back on the desk. Even if he had cried all he could moments before, a few tears had still escaped his eyes and fallen onto the paper as he was writing. Putting everything into words had been helpful somehow, and even though Shion felt that he hadn't conveyed half of what he wanted to, he knew that he had to stop writing. If he continued, he would probably beg Nezumi to come back, and it wasn't a side of him Nezumi would want to see. Even though the chances of him actually reading this letter were infinitely small.

Sighing deeply, Shion lay back in his chair and wiped the remaining tears off his face with his hand. Tsukiyo made a small sound against Shion's ear, and he took the little mouse in his hands.

"You wouldn't happen to have a sixth sense allowing you to find your master, would you?"

The mouse titled its head apologetically. Shion laughed softly and patted Tsukiyo's head.

"I was joking, don't worry. I'm glad you're here. I just… miss Nezumi too much sometimes."

Tsukiyo addressed him an encouraging chirp, making Shion smile again before he gently put the mouse on the desk. He looked outside the window. The sky was completely dark now, and Shion could only see small patches of light coming from houses and streetlamps. Even though, Shion couldn't face going home to his empty apartment just yet.

_Sorry Mom… I know I promised to take it slow…_   
_Nezumi… I'll be waiting for you. Even if my memories keep on fading away, I will keep on waiting._   
_Please Nezumi… Don't let me wait in vain._   
_Let me see your eyes. Just one more time._

Leaving the letter on his desk, Shion stood up and went to open the window, which had accidentally closed while he was leaning against it. Fresh air came in and he took a deep breath. The cold air filled his lungs and it was a welcome feeling after his earlier breakdown. Hesitantly, he looked down at the street which was leading to the office building. Just as expected, it was empty. Shion barely let out a sigh. It was just like every other night. He just had to get back into his routine, and keep waiting. Keep hoping.

_It will be alright.  
It has to be alright._

Shion turned around and went behind his desk to open his file cabinet. As he was looking through files, he didn't notice Tsukiyo jumping off the desk and running towards the open window. Nor did he notice the familiar shadow that had appeared in the previously empty street…

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	5. Acceptance (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks to all of you who read the previous chapters and left kudos on this fanfiction^^
> 
> Here we are people, it's the last stage: "Acceptance", and this time both Shion and Nezumi appear in the chapter. It's not the last chapter though, since it started to be pretty long I decided to cut it in half. The next chapter will be the last… and it will probably contain some M-rated moment^^. But for the moment, here is the first part! I hope you will like it… somehow it has been so hard for me to write it even though I had all the ideas in my head. I guess I really want to do this story justice because it's so beautiful and it means a lot to me… but I don't know, I was never satisfied with what I was writing. I'll probably never be satisfied anyway; I'm not a writer so I don't have the skills to write something good enough for No.6. But I tried my best, and I hope it will meet your expectations. (And it's still January 31st in my timezone so I managed to update in January, yay!)
> 
> Again, please forgive me if my grammar/spelling is not perfect, I'm not a native English speaker. (Which makes me really frustrated sometimes because I'm sure that I could write better if I had a wider vocabulary XD Anyway, I'll stop babbling now^^)

**Chapter 5 – Acceptance (Part 1)**

It was already the end of the afternoon when Nezumi stepped onto the streets of the former area of Lost Town, where Karan's bakery had been the last time he was here. The buildings here hadn't changed much from his memories, and it was easy for him to find the place where he and Shion had woken up after defeating No.6. As he arrived in front of the bakery, Nezumi stopped and hesitated for a moment. Looking through the glass, he could see Karan serving a customer, but there was no sign of Shion.

_He's probably at work though._

As he was pondering whether he should go in or not, he didn't notice that the customer was now walking out of the little shop. Nezumi stepped back just in time to avoid the opening door.

"Oh, sorry! Are you going in?"

Nezumi stared at the man holding the door for him as if he had just asked him to solve the greatest mystery of humanity. But Karan's voice made him snap out of his daze.

"Nezumi?"

The dark haired boy turned his head to look at Karan, who stood dumbfounded behind her counter. He gave her an uncomfortable smile while scratching the back of his neck, and took a few steps inside the shop as the other customer left. Karan had left the counter and was now walking towards Nezumi. She stopped in front of him and a warm smile illuminated her face.

"You've grown taller."

She pulled him into a tight hug which took Nezumi by surprise; although, to be honest, he had expected it. Awkwardly, he hugged her back and took a quick look around.

"This place hasn't changed."  
"No, I always liked it this way. I've tried some new recipes though. Sit down, I'll bring you something."  
"Thank you, but I don't want to impose on you…"  
"Don't be silly, I'm so happy to see you. You remember where the kitchen is? I'll be right here."

There was no way Nezumi could say no to Karan, so he went to the kitchen while she was putting up the "closed" sign on the shop's door. A few minutes later, she joined him with a tray full of pastries.

"Here, eat some. I'll make you some coffee."  
"Thank you."

She smiled at him and turned around to prepare the coffee. After pouring water in the machine, she stopped and looked at the wall in front of her.

"So… I figure that you came here looking for Shion?"  
"I… well… yes, that was the idea."  
"Do you know what you're going to tell him?"  
"Well…"

She turned to face him. Nezumi was staring at the table. Despite his acting skills he was completely unable to lie to Karan. Besides, he had no idea what to say to Shion. He had already managed to admit that he wanted to see him again, talking to him was something else. How would Shion react upon seeing him anyway?

Once the coffee was ready, Karan poured it in a mug before handing it out to Nezumi. Her eyes met his and she sat down in front of him.

"Nezumi… I can't tell you how to live your life. It's for you to decide if you want to keep moving or stay here. But can I just ask you to make sure that you know what you want before you talk to him?"

Karan's eyes were concerned, but there was no resentment in her voice. Nezumi had no idea what to say, so he nodded and quickly breathed out the word "sure" before focusing on his coffee. Karan smiled at him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Don't feel bad. I know you don't mean to hurt him, but… you know how he is..."  
"I guess he hasn't changed…" Nezumi said with a soft smile.  
"Probably not so much, but he's grown too, you'll see. Finish your food, I'll tell you where his office is."  
"Shouldn't he finish work soon? It's almost dark outside."  
"If only…" Karan sighed "I keep on telling him that he should rest, but he's way too stubborn. He shouldn't even be at work today since he was sick a few days ago…"  
"I'm sorry…"  
"Don't worry. It's not your fault."  
"Somehow I'm afraid that it is…"  
"I told you, don't feel bad. Now just relax and eat, I'm going to clean up the shop."

Karan left the room and Nezumi stayed alone with his thoughts. Four years ago, he had enjoyed the warmth of this very house, the hot meals shared together and the smiles of this family. Even if he hadn't stayed very long, it felt so familiar that it was almost like he had never left. And yet there was this heavy weight in his chest. The guilt, the fear, the uncertainty. Karan was right, what was he even going to tell Shion? Did he want to stay here from now on? Maybe all of this would become clearer once he saw him.

The sky was already dark when Nezumi left Karan's house. She explained him how to get to Shion's office, and walked him to the door.

"Thank you… for everything."

She smiled warmly and hugged him once again, though this time it was less awkward.

"You're always welcome here, Nezumi. Make sure to come and have dinner here with Shion soon, alright?"

Nezumi nodded and stepped out of the shop. As he walked to Shion's office, every minute felt like an eternity; and yet when he finally arrived, he still hadn't had the time to figure out what he wanted to say. Looking up, he saw that only one office had its lights on. It was only one floor above ground, so it would be easy to climb there… somehow Nezumi didn't feel like knocking on the door. His heart rate accelerated and he took a deep breath.

_Here goes._

Swiftly, he climbed onto the office's balcony, trying not to make any sound. Crouching down, he noticed Tsukiyo staring at him from the balcony's floor. Hamlet and Cravat jumped off Nezumi's shoulder and the dark-haired boy gestured the three little mice to keep quiet. His heart was racing, and he closed his eyes for a few seconds before standing up.

From behind the window, Nezumi could see everything in Shion's office. His eyes suddenly stopped moving as they met a head of white hair. His heart sank. He swallowed hard and supported himself on the wall as the pounding in his chest became erratic. He could only see Shion's back, as he was leaning over some file cabinet; and he was glad he could take a few seconds to compose himself before entering the room. Staring at the white head on the other side of the office, he was only sure of one thing.

_I want to see him._

Silently, he entered the office through the open window. Unable to take any other step, he just stood there, waiting for Shion to notice his presence.

* * *

Shion was still looking for a specific file when he felt shivers run up and down his spine. He stiffened. Did he just hear a sound? It was not unusual, it happened almost every night. The wind, a wandering animal… there was always a good reason for it. Yet even after four years of his hopes being crushed every time he turned to check what the noise was, he couldn't help but think "maybe tonight…"

_Idiot. It's certainly nothing. It's always nothing._

Staring at the wall, he tried to fight the urge to turn around and be disappointed again. But something was off. He definitely felt a presence behind him. Or did he? He clenched his fists, mentally punching himself for being so stupid. He had to turn around. He had to make sure.

Shion swallowed hard and took a deep breath before turning his head towards the window. His eyes went wide and his heart stopped beating for a second.

_Am I dreaming?_

Shion's mind could not process if the man awkwardly smiling at him was real or not. He had dreamed about this so much. He had played this scene in his head so many times that he knew perfectly how every second was supposed to unfold.

And yet, he couldn't move a muscle. All he could do was stare back and try to remember to breathe. Nezumi definitely looked older, but his eyes were still the same. Grey, deep and calm, those eyes he had longed to see for so long were finally here in front of him. Again, he felt that they were able to capture his soul.

Maybe Shion had stood there frozen for only a second, but to Nezumi it felt like forever. He was starting to get really anxious, but then he saw Shion take a few steps forward. The white-haired boy's feet moved faster and faster and he was almost running towards Nezumi.

Then he punched him hard in the face.

The shock made Nezumi take a step back. Holding his cheek, he was about to say something when he realized that Shion had now buried his face in his shirt and was crying uncontrollably. Shion's left hand was clenching Nezumi's shirt and with his right hand he was softly punching the taller boy's chest.

_Why do you cry? Just punch me again.  
_ _I don't deserve your tears. Please. Please don't cry._

Overwhelmed, Nezumi circled his arms around Shion's shaking body. Holding him tight, he buried his face into the white strands of Shion's hair and softly whispered "I'm sorry" again and again. Shion stopped hitting Nezumi's chest and just held on to his shirt, still crying. After a few minutes, Shion let out a strangled "idiot" between sobs and Nezumi smiled softly against his head. The taller boy moved one of his hands up to stroke Shion's hair, his face still buried in the white strands.

Shion didn't think it was possible to cry more than he already had tonight, but Nezumi's return was too much too handle. Even though he had dreamt of it many times, to actually experience the surge of emotions that had come upon him when he had seen his eyes again was something else. He had been unable to speak, unable to think, it was like his heart had exploded inside him. And now he was crying against Nezumi's chest, feeling the warmth of his body, the tightness of his arm around his waist and the calming feeling of the dark-haired boy's hand in his hair. It was real. Nezumi was really here.

Nezumi relaxed a little as he felt Shion calm down in his arms. He put his forehead against Shion's head and stroked his face gently.

"Shion, look up," he whispered, "look at me, Shion."

A few more sobs shook Shion's body before he was able to collect himself and open his eyes. Red watery eyes met with deep grey ones and Nezumi proceeded to wipe the tears from Shion's face. The smaller boy's breathing was still uneven from having cried so hard, and he still had to swallow sobs from time to time. Nezumi felt his chest tighten.

_I'm sorry. I'm a selfish jerk. Please stop crying._

Their faces were close, eyes still staring into each other's. Nezumi's thumb was gently rubbing the scar on Shion's face. Then suddenly Nezumi acted on instinct, and closed the gap between them. Feeling Nezumi's soft lips against his own made Shion's heart sink and he felt his eyelids close slowly. The kiss was gentle, and lasted for only a few seconds before Nezumi backed away a little, still holding Shion in his arms. Shion's eyes were filled with a mix of surprise and fear.

"What… what was that for?"  
"I just wanted to."

A look of relief washed over Shion's face. He smiled softly and blushed a little, still staring into Nezumi's eyes.

"Do you… want to do it again?"

Nezumi's eyes widened for a second and he looked back at Shion with an amused smile. He lowered his face until their foreheads met and answered in a whisper.

"If it pleases His Majesty…"

In a quick move, Nezumi captured Shion's lips again, this time with more passion. Shion let go of Nezumi's shirt and put his arms around the taller boy's body, desperately holding him close. Responding to the kiss, he pressed his lips harder against Nezumi's, whose hand had stopped rubbing Shion's cheek and moved to lose itself in the white strands of his hair. Shion tilted his head to the side and soon their tongues were gently exploring each other's mouths.

To Shion, the kiss felt both beautiful and painful at the same time. It was not about being happy to see Nezumi again… It was about how much he had missed him, how surreal it felt to be suddenly so close to him when a few minutes ago he had felt alone and heartbroken. Kissing Nezumi, holding him, feeling his warmth, the beating of his heart, it was all proof that Nezumi was alive, here, in this room and that it was not a dream. Shion felt like he was letting go of the weight that had been holding him down all this time. He felt light and dizzy, as if everything he had felt for the last four years – the disappointments, the pain – was being drawn out of his being by this single moment.

Eventually, they both needed to catch their breath and broke the kiss. Still in each other's arms, their eyes met but none of them could muster up the courage to say something. The moment had been too intense, lost in a tornado of emotions, but this moment had now passed. What do you say to someone you haven't seen for so long? Shion had too many things in his mind, from "welcome back" to "are you going to stay?"… He couldn't decide.

Nezumi wasn't different, never mind how skilled he was with words; he still struggled to find the proper thing to say. He had already said that he was sorry, and he would say it a thousand times if need be, but not now. Now, he also had to deal with what it had meant to see Shion again. Before he arrived, he was dealing with guilt, fear, and uncertainty. The guilt and the fear were still here, if anything they had even increased. The uncertainty though, was gone. It didn't matter how much it scared him to admit that he was actually having feelings; and it didn't matter that he still hadn't figured out what to do next... Here and now, looking into Shion's eyes, it just felt  _right_.

They had been silently and awkwardly staring into each other's eyes for barely a minute, but it seemed that it had been too long for the three mice. From the floor next to them, they started chirping vehemently, as if to show that they shouldn't been left out of this reunion. Startled, both Nezumi and Shion looked at the mice, and then back at each other with a smile. Moving out of Nezumi's embrace, Shion kneeled on the floor and took the mice in his hands.

"Hamlet, Cravat, I'm glad to see you! And I'm sure Tsukiyo is happy too."

Tsukiyo tilted his head to the side and let out a happy chirp.

"It's pretty amazing that the three of them managed to live for so long…" Nezumi said pensively.  
"Maybe they just have the same will to live as their master," Shion answered with a soft smile. "I'll get them some treats from my mother tomorrow."  
"Ah, don't worry; she treated us pretty nicely today already."

Shion turned back to look at Nezumi again. He put the mice back on the floor and stood up.

"You went to my mother's?"  
"Well, it's not like I knew where to find you. The bakery seemed like a valid choice."  
"Sure…"  
"By the way, she wouldn't be happy to know that you're still here at that time. Don't you need to get back to your place?"  
"Ah yes, well… I was just… I'll just pack my stuff."

Shion went to his chair and picked up his bag from the floor. Nezumi followed him and started to look through some of the papers Shion had left on his desk.

"Building a new school?"  
"Hm, now that the former West Block is part of the city, there's much more people who –", Shion stopped mid-sentence and froze; remembering that the letter he had written earlier was still on the desk. He turned around quickly to see Nezumi barely touching said letter. "Wait!"  
"What is that? Did you write me a letter?" Nezumi asked, staring at Shion.  
"No! Yes… Just… It's nothing, I'll throw it out!"

Shion tried to take the letter but Nezumi was faster. Shion's face became pale and he just stood there, not knowing what to do. Yes, he had written the letter to Nezumi, but he had done it in a moment of weakness to get some things off his chest… Somehow he never intended for him to read it. Especially now that he was here in front of him, Shion didn't want to let him know the kind of things he had been thinking these past few years... At least not before they had the time to talk about it.

Nezumi was leaning on the desk, not facing Shion. As soon as he had started reading, Nezumi had understood that it had been a bad idea. He already knew that he had hurt Shion, and talking with Inukashi and Karan had confirmed that… But he hadn't been prepared to see it through Shion's eyes. Not now, not so fast. It had been enough to see him cry… This letter was just another punch in the gut.

_Sorry Shion. I'm an asshole._

Part of him wanted to run away right now. He never wanted to deal with that kind of emotional stuff. He never wanted any kind of attachment to anyone. He didn't want to be needed. And it was Shion. If Shion had to care for someone, why did it have to be Nezumi? Someone who made fun of him, rejected him, threatened him… How did it come to this?

Lowering his head, Nezumi grabbed the edge of the desk with his left hand, while his right hand was gripping the letter tight enough to crumple it. He was trying to hide the fact that he was shaking right now. Shion took a few hesitant steps towards Nezumi. He was really scared of how the taller boy would react.

"…Nezumi? I'm sorry… I –"

Before Shion could finish talking, Nezumi had grabbed his arm and pulled him close. Still shaking, Nezumi held the white-haired boy tight in his arms and buried his face in the crook of his neck. The letter fell down by their feet.

_You're sorry? Idiot. That should be my line.  
_ _You don't deserve me, Shion._

He was unable to speak, so he just held on to Shion's body as tight as he could. Nezumi felt that if he let Shion go for a second, his legs would run away on their own. And as much as part of him was yelling at him to leave and not be burdened by emotions, he knew he needed to stay. The other person here wasn't just anyone. It was Shion. He didn't have the right to run away anymore.

Shion had not expected the sudden embrace, and his eyes had gone wide with surprise as Nezumi had pulled him in his arms. But Shion knew the dark-haired boy good enough to understand his action. Slowly, he had circled his arms around Nezumi's shaking body, hoping to help him calm down. Just like he had needed Nezumi's embrace earlier this evening, he knew that Nezumi needed him now. Feeling the taller boy tremble in his arms reminded him of the small child he had taken in during a stormy night so many years ago.

Everything was silent. After a few minutes, Shion felt a slight change in Nezumi's breathing, and realized that he was now feeling a slight wetness on the skin of his neck. He felt the urge to hold Nezumi even tighter but stopped himself. The taller boy would surely prefer the fact that he was crying never to be acknowledged or mentioned. So he stayed still, accepting Nezumi's silent apology with all his heart.

It took a few more minutes for Nezumi's breathing to become regular again, and a couple more before Shion dared to move or talk. He started by softly rubbing Nezumi's back, in order to check his reaction. The taller boy's body had stopped shaking by now, and he did not tense up when Shion moved his hand. The white haired-boy thought it should be ok to speak now.

"Let's go."

Shion intentionally didn't use the word "home". Sure, he hoped with all his heart that Nezumi would stay this time, but he also knew that he shouldn't pressure him in any way. Thankful that Shion had chosen to change the subject, Nezumi relaxed and straightened up, eyes closed. He took a deep breath, somehow a little deeper than he had intended to, and looked at Shion. Any trace of the emotion overload he had just experienced had disappeared from his eyes and a soft smile curved his lips.

"Alright. Lead the way."

* * *

Shion turned his apartment's lights on and gestured Nezumi to follow him inside. Just like Inukashi had said, Shion had kept most of the underground room's furniture. Nezumi was actually impressed to see how well Shion had them restored. Many bookshelves covered the walls of the living-room, and the dark-haired boy could recognize a lot of titles from back when they were living in the West Block. Some books must have been bought by Shion after he had left, as he didn't remember reading them.

Shion went to the kitchen, which was only separated from the living room by a bar, and spotted a package from his mother on the table. A single-line note was placed on it.

_"In case one of you gets hungry. K."_

Shion smiled at his mother's nice attention. She must have stopped by his place after Nezumi had left the bakery. He opened the package to find a few bread rolls, pieces of homemade quiche and cherry cake. He turned to Nezumi, who was still looking around the room.

"Are you hungry? My mother left us something; I just have to warm it up."  
"She really is someone… Ok, I'll eat something with you."  
"I'll be right there, make yourself comfortable," Shion said, pointing to the couch.

Nezumi settled himself on said couch and watched silently as Shion prepared everything. Soon, the white-haired boy joined him, laying two trays down on the coffee table. They ate quietly, each of them being a little uncertain about how to interact with each other. Swallowing his last bite of cherry cake Nezumi inhaled deeply and broke the silence, his eyes fixed on the table.

"Isn't there anything you want to ask me?"

Startled, Shion put his plate down and lay back on the couch, staring at the ceiling.

"Way too many, as a matter of fact. I want to know everything about your travels… the places you've been to, the things you've seen, the people you've met… Of course, I also want to know why you decided to come back here, but… But I know that you might not want to talk about any of this. So I'm not going to ask."

Nezumi turned his head to look at Shion, who held his gaze for a few seconds before speaking again.

"Anyway, since you just asked me that, you must already know that I have all these questions inside my head. If you want to talk about anything, I will always be here to listen. But I'm not going to pry… I know that –"

Shion stopped for a second. He had wanted to say "I know that it mustn't have been easy for you to come back", but that would have been talking about it. And just because he knew that, he knew that it was too early for this kind of talk, especially after the letter incident. Even though he wanted to know, he didn't need to. Nezumi was alive and well, this was already more than enough for now. He saw Nezumi looking at him quizzically and knew he had to finish his sentence somehow.

"I know that you don't answer questions if you don't want to, so there's no use in me asking. Besides, we haven't seen each other for a while; it's obvious that we're going to need some time to get used to each other again."  
"Your mother was right, you did grow up," Nezumi said with a slight grin.  
"Did she say that? I don't know… I still feel pretty much the same."  
"Well, I'll observe you and let you know what my conclusion is in a few days."

Shion smiled at Nezumi's last words, wondering if this was an indirect way to let him know that he would stay at least for a few more days. The atmosphere felt a little less tensed than before, and both boys let their bodies relax against the cushions.

"By the way, I've walked through the West Block; it seems that you've done a really nice job."  
"Ah thank you. It wasn't that easy, but I wanted the people there to be treated just like the former citizens of the city. I'll give you a proper tour tomorrow."  
"Don't you have work to do?"  
"Ah, yes…" Shion said, scratching the back of his head. "I guess I can take a few days off to show you around… I'll just stop by the office in the morning to get everything in order."  
"Thanks," Nezumi answered softly.  
"We'll stop by Inukashi's place and Rikiga's one too! They both have pretty important businesses in the city now…"  
"Well, I've already met Inukashi yesterday... but she didn't tell me much about it."  
"You met her? …So you arrived yesterday then…"

Shion had barely whispered this last part, but Nezumi heard it anyway.

"Yes, well… let's just say she was right about the bed thing… Anyway, one of her dogs followed me to the underground room and then she appeared."

A soft smile appeared on Shion's lips. His heart had tightened a little bit at the fact that Nezumi had already been there for one day without him knowing. It didn't surprise him though… He wouldn't have left the bed over there if he hadn't been expecting it.

"She seems to like the kid you forced on her…"  
"Don't say it like that; she's been a great mother for him!"  
"Well, let's just say I never imagined her having maternal instinct… especially since she introduced herself as a boy back then," Nezumi retorted.  
"Yeah, it was quite surprising news…" Shion answered, laughing a little.  
"By the way, when we see her um… can you not mention that you punched me?" Nezumi said, scratching the back of his head.

Shion laughed stronger but nodded and promised that he wouldn't talk about it. They kept talking like that for a while, about the changes in the city and the people they both knew. The atmosphere between them had lightened up and the sound of them laughing could sometimes be heard echoing around the living room. As the night went on, they both started to feel quite tired. Shion was the first to yawn.

"Tired?"  
"Yes…" Shion answered. "I've been at work all day and I had a bad cold a few days ago, so I should be going to sleep. Do you need anything?"  
"Right now, a place to sleep will be enough."  
"Well… If it's ok, you can sleep with me. The bed is much larger than the one we used to sleep on anyway…" Shion said, a little nervous.

Somehow he had always imagined that Nezumi would sleep next to him when he came back… It had always been so natural before. Nezumi cocked an eyebrow and stared at Shion for a few seconds before giving him a gentle smile.

"Alright. After you, Your Majesty."

Shion showed Nezumi where he could freshen up and change; and he did the same afterwards. While waiting for Shion, Nezumi decided to take another walk around the apartment. Eventually, his feet led him back into the bedroom, in front of the window which had been left open. Looking out at the dark sky, he let out a sigh.

_Now what?_

Coming back had hit him harder than he had expected. But no matter how hard it had been to see Shion crying, how heart wrenching it had been to read that letter; somehow Nezumi had also felt more relaxed tonight. The inner fight that had been eating him up ever since he had left Shion had disappeared. He was still scared as hell about the meaning of all this, but he knew that he would have some time to figure things out now. Thanks to Shion, actually. Not asking any questions was Shion's way of letting Nezumi know that he could take all the time he needed. Burying his hands in his pockets, he let his head fall back and closed his eyes.

_Let's not make any rash decisions. I'll see how the next days will unfold._

Shion stepped into his bedroom and smiled softly upon seeing that Hamlet, Cravat and Tsukiyo were comfortably huddled on his pillow. Then he noticed Nezumi standing by the window and froze.

"…Nezumi?" Shion asked, his voice trembling more than he wanted it to.

Nezumi turned his head to see Shion staring at him with wide worried eyes.

_I missed those eyes._

"You're going to be sick again if you sleep with the window open" Nezumi said, closing the window nonchalantly. Shion's eyes grew even wider at the meaning behind this simple gesture. He opened his mouth slightly, but no sound came out. Nezumi stepped towards him and raised his right hand to Shion's face. Barely touching, Nezumi's thumb traced Shion's scar, while his fingers softly brushed the white hair.

_I missed this hair._

"You kept the hair," Nezumi said softly.  
"Yes," Shion whispered, not sure what else to say.

Nezumi studied Shion's face silently for a few seconds before speaking again.

"Shion…" Nezumi's voice was now barely louder than a whisper "About what you said earlier… Thank you."

Shion gave him an understanding smile and imperceptibly leaned into Nezumi's touch.

"You're welcome."

Lowering his face, Nezumi's lips gently brushed Shion's. He didn't step back immediately, and instead took a few seconds to stare into Shion's eyes while his fingers were sticking a few white strands behind his ear.

_I missed him._

"Goodnight, Shion," Nezumi whispered.

Shion's smile became warmer, and his left hand moved to hold the hand that was still on his face. He squeezed it gently and gestured Nezumi to go to sleep.

"Goodnight."

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	6. Acceptance (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: The rating has been changed to M for a good reason… so if you can't handle the boy on boy action, please don't read! 
> 
> A/N: Huge thanks to all of my readers, and everyone who left kudos on this story :-)
> 
> So, it's finally here, the last chapter of the story… But for Shion and Nezumi I guess it's only the beginning^^. It's much longer than I expected, but I guess no one will complain about it… I had a lot of fun writing it actually, and it kept getting longer. The second half of the chapter is the reason why the rating changed to M, so once again, you've been warned. I wondered if things escalated too quickly but well… They are healthy 20 year old boys… Things are bound to escalate at some point XD.
> 
> Writing this has been a great adventure for me. I've always liked stories but somehow never had a lot of motivation to write anything long, and I hated everything I wrote. No.6 changed that somehow^^ It made me write more, and I actually don't hate it too much :-)
> 
> Again, please forgive me if my grammar/spelling is not perfect, I'm still not a native English speaker.

**Chapter 6 – Acceptance (Part 2)**

It had been one week since Nezumi had suddenly appeared in Shion's office and time had passed surprisingly fast for the both of them. Shion had taken some time off work in order to show Nezumi around the renovated city and the different areas that used to be behind that dreadful wall, especially the former West Block and the reforestation project where Nezumi's homeland used to be. Nezumi had been truthfully impressed by everything the white-haired boy had accomplished in only four years.

Shion had also taken Nezumi to Rikiga's and Inukashi's places; and Nezumi had spent some time fighting Inukashi's victorious grin with one of his trademark "death glare of hell". All in all, he had been unexpectedly happy to see them again, even though he still felt more relaxed with Karan. And Shion, of course.

_Shion._

Following Shion inside his apartment, arms full of grocery bags, Nezumi's mind wandered back to the first morning he had woken up in Shion's room. He had opened his eyes and wondered where he was for a brief second, until the memories of the previous night invaded his mind and he realized that for the first time in many years his bed – well, Shion's bed, technically – didn't feel so cold. Lying on his back, he had taken a few deep breaths in order to get used to the feeling of being back. The reunion he had promised, tried to forget, denied, postponed, argued about with himself… had finally happened. And he just wasn't able to figure out how he was feeling about it.

"I'll put the perishables in the fridge; can you take care of the rest?" Shion asked, starting to empty the bags on the kitchen table. His voice brought Nezumi back to the present.  
"Huh, what? Oh sorry, yes, yes, I'll do it."

Shion gave him a weird look, but then shrugged and continued what he was doing. Nezumi started putting away the food absently, his mind back to that morning one week ago. After a while, he had noticed Shion's hand holding his own tightly. He didn't remember falling asleep this way, so this must have happened while he was sleeping. Turning around slowly in order not to wake Shion, Nezumi's eyes had wandered over the white-haired boy's face. He was sleeping on his side, his features peaceful and his breathing quiet. The white strands of his hair were covering part of his face and only a small bit of his red scar was visible. Shion's hair was a little longer and messier than four years ago, but it still kept the transparent shiny aspect that used to fascinate Nezumi so much. His features had matured and he looked older now, even though his face was still giving out an innocent/naïve feeling. Nezumi had felt his body relax at the sight of Shion's peacefully sleeping face. He couldn't explain this feeling and was afraid to try, but it had felt right. The right place. The right time. With the right person, probably.

Almost instinctively, his free hand had moved towards Shion's face, slowly brushing off the hair that was covering his cheek, his fingers then slowly tracing patterns on the soft skin. Shion's face had twitched and hazy red eyes had soon been staring back at him. Nezumi had felt Shion study him for a while, his eyes growing wider every second to finally stop as tears started to form at their corner. Nezumi was beginning to panic when Shion's lips had curved into one of the happiest smile he had ever seen the airhead wear, and he felt a squeeze at his hand.  _"You're real"_ , Shion had whispered, a tear rolling down his cheek. Nezumi still wasn't sure if it had been his heart or his brain that had shattered into millions of pieces at this instant, but he had pulled Shion into a tight hug and hadn't been able to think clearly until he stepped into the shower later that morning.

"Nezumi?"

Shion's voice was very far away. Nezumi shook his head to clear his thoughts and noticed he hadn't even put away half the things he was supposed to. He turned around to see Shion looking at him worriedly from the other side of the table.

"Are you ok?" Nezumi could hear the concern in Shion's voice.  
"Sorry, I spaced out a little. You can go rest, I'll finish quickly," Nezumi answered with a reassuring smile.  
"What… what were you thinking about?"

Nezumi looked into Shion's eyes, noticing how one of his hands was grasping the edge of the table, probably in an attempt to hide the fact that he was shaking. Why was he so worried?

_Of course. We haven't spoken about anything yet. He's probably afraid that I'm thinking about leaving again._

Realization struck and Nezumi barely managed to stop his eyes from widening like crazy. No need to alarm Shion with involuntary body language.

He hadn't thought of leaving once after that first morning.

Was that a sign? Nezumi wasn't fond of things like signs or destiny. He preferred to be the one in control of his body, his thoughts, and his life. But  _still_. As he made his journey back to No.6, what had kept him from spontaneous combustion due to extreme stress were the thoughts that he would still be able to leave, that he would still be free. And yet, being here with Shion had instead freed his mind of these thoughts… it had to at least mean  _something_.

After all, being free to leave also meant being free to stay.

Noticing that Shion was still staring, he also realized that he hadn't answered him yet.

"Nothing important, don't worry."

Sure, because there's no way he would be able to start this conversation anyway. There were things he could do, like stroke Shion's hair while they were reading on the couch, throw an arm around his shoulders from time to time, hell even kiss him every night or every morning… but talking about feelings was something else. Too bad Shion decided not to ask questions, because he just wasn't able to even find the first word to talk about this.

Shion, however, did not seem relieved by Nezumi's obvious lie. He moved a second hand to grasp the edge of the table, and looked down.

"Nezumi… I need to… Sorry but I need to know. I know I promised not to… but it's been a week and it's driving me crazy… I need to… I need to ask just one question," Shion had spoken very fast, stumbling on words, before looking at Nezumi again.

_Talk about timing_ , Nezumi thought. He leaned back against the kitchen's counter and took a deep breath, looking Shion in the eyes. He was feeling oddly calm.

"It's ok. I'll answer."  
"Do you think… you'll want to leave again?"

_Well, actually…_

Nezumi closed his eyes for a second, trying to regulate his breath before answering.

"I don't know."  
"You don't… What does it mean?"  
"It means that I don't want to leave now, but I can't say for sure that I'll want to stay in the same place forever," Nezumi answered in a low voice.

Disappointment was obvious on Shion's face and he stared down at the table again.

"I see."  
"I wasn't finished."

Shion looked up again, and saw Nezumi slowly crossing the short distance between them. Lifting his right hand, the taller boy rolled a few threads of white hair around one of his fingers.

"It's who I am, Shion. I know I will probably need a change of scenery sometime. But when that time comes…" he paused, his fingers losing themselves in Shion's hair and his thumb tracing the red scar on the other boy's cheek. "... I would be glad if Your Majesty could take a vacation and come with me."

Shion's eyes immediately lightened up and a smile appeared on his lips. He took hold of Nezumi's other hand and squeezed it gently.

"I could probably manage that," he whispered softly as Nezumi leaned in, breathing out a "good" before their lips met in a soft kiss. They pulled back a few seconds later, their eyes locking almost immediately. Shion's free hand went to rest on Nezumi's chest, absently tracing small patterns on his shirt.

"Nezumi, are you… does it…" He stopped mid-sentence, shaking his head. "Sorry, I won't ask again."  
"It's okay, Shion," Nezumi answered with a soft chuckle. "You can stop this, I'm fine," he continued, before briefly kissing Shion's lips again.  
Blushing a little, Shion resumed his question. "Does it mean you're not scared of me anymore?"

Nezumi's heart rate increased a little and he swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat.

"Not exactly."  
"But…" Shion's sentence was cut short by the slender finger landing on his lips.  
"Will you let me finish?"

Shion nodded, Nezumi's finger still on his lips. The taller boy breathed deeply and continued.

"It's not that I'm scared of  _you_ , but rather of the fact that I am  _not_  scared of you. When you came to the West Block four years ago, I trusted no one and I was ready to slit the throat of anyone who would make the slightest move to attack me. But with you it was different, and I could not explain it to myself. I let you in… without really realizing it. You may not remember it but the night I collapsed, you touched my neck afterwards, saying you were scared I had been infected… Something like that would have meant nothing to you, but to me it meant vulnerability. It's just one example, but somehow you were able to break my defenses, and it scared the hell out of me. For one, you annoyed me so much that I couldn't understand how it was even possible; and also I was afraid that it would make me weaker, and that I would not be able to defend myself if anything happened."

Shion realized that his mouth was now free, and that Nezumi's fingers were absently playing with his hair again. He took it as an authorization to speak.

"We're not in the West Block anymore."  
"True. But that's just who I am. When I left, I wanted to see if I could free myself of you. I tried to push the memories in the back of my head and move on. That was the plan. But you were always there. The moment came when I had to accept that fact and that I had to see you again, to know why."  
"Do you, now?"  
"Honestly, I don't. I came back here and somehow everything was back into place, like I had never left. Even though the city has changed, just meeting with Inukashi, Rikiga, Karan and you feels the same. It's familiar… relaxing even. I can't understand it, and it scares me."

Shion shook his head in confusion.

"I fail to see how it's a bad thing…"  
"Of course you wouldn't," Nezumi answered with a smile. "And maybe you're right, maybe it isn't. Let's just say I never expected it, I was never prepared. I used to think that I would either die trying to destroy No.6 or that if I managed to stay alive I'd just wander around the world alone for the rest of my life. But even during the last four years, you never left me alone… And the closer I got to here, the more I realized that I did want to see you again. You and me… it's not logical, I can't explain it, and that's why it's scary."  
"Are you only staying here because you want to understand?"  
"Yes and no. Sure, I do want to understand you, and then maybe I'll understand everything better. But that's not the main reason. I'm staying because I want to. Like I said, maybe you're right and feeling good isn't a bad thing. And well… with you…"

Nezumi paused as he struggled to find the right words. Everything his mind produced sounded excruciatingly corny and there was no way he could ever say that out loud. But Shion smiled and raised one hand to tuck some of Nezumi's hair behind his ear.

"I understand." He paused for a second and his smile turned into a grin. "Basically you're more mature now, aren't you?"

Nezumi frowned for a second, staring at Shion through thin eyes. His lips then curled into a teasing grin as he lifted Shion's chin and leaned in closer.

"Well, one of us has to be."  
"I have matured too!" retorted Shion vehemently.

Nezumi let out a chuckle and moved even closer so that their noses were almost touching. A faint blush appeared on Shion's cheeks at the proximity.

"Oh really?" Nezumi whispered before closing the space between their lips and pulling Shion into a long, slow kiss. "Well, your kissing sure has improved," he breathed out after breaking contact.

Shion's blush deepened, but his eyes never left the grey ones in front of him.

"Changing the subject, are we?" Shion asked, coking an eyebrow.  
"There's a time for everything, Your Majesty," Nezumi replied, his grin widening.

Shion's attempt at an answer was muffled by Nezumi's lips capturing his own again. As the taller boy's tongue started to slowly trace his lips, Shion instinctively stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Nezumi's back and let out a very soft moan, allowing the other boy to deepen the kiss. Nezumi circled one arm around Shion's waist, holding him close, as his other hand was gently cupping the smaller boy's face.

They had kissed a few times since they had met again, small pecks on the lips to greet each other in the morning, gentle kisses lingering for a few seconds before they went to bed… but Shion never really allowed himself to get lost in the moment like he was right now. He had enjoyed every moment of intimacy Nezumi had granted him, every touch, every lingering look… But he also knew that they needed to get used to each other again, so he didn't want to push things. Also, the constant fear of doing something that would push Nezumi to leave again didn't help him relax.

But Nezumi just said that he wanted to stay. Or rather, that he wanted Shion to stay with him. If Shion had managed to keep his composure at that time, his heart had been holding a fireworks party inside his chest; and now he was kissing Nezumi back fiercely as if it was the only way to keep his heart from exploding. Nezumi's body was warm –  _so warm_  – against his, and his scent was intoxicating. Unconsciously, he pushed forward a little and tightened his grip on the taller boy, fingers digging softly in Nezumi's back as another moan died in his throat.

The dark haired boy couldn't repress a soft chuckle which resonated inside their mouths. He felt himself being pushed back by the slender body pressing against his and leaned against the table to maintain his balance. He could feel Shion's eagerness in the way he kissed back, and he was becoming painfully aware of how much he would like to just give in and remove this stupid shirt so that his hands could fully explore the body hidden underneath; and maybe his fingers could finally trace that hypnotizing red scar in its entirety; and then maybe his mouth could –  _Stop._

It was neither the time, nor the place. Well, mostly not the place. Had they started kissing somewhere more comfortable, Nezumi would probably not have tried so much to fight his body. Although the idea of having Shion naked on that table was –  _oh so very much_  – seducing, they would have plenty of time to explore it later. Reluctantly, he broke the kiss and held Shion's head back to look at him. The white haired boy was out of breath and he was looking back at Nezumi with dark eyes; and Nezumi almost forgot his resolve for a second, barely fighting the urge to ravish those red and slightly opened lips again. But he swallowed hard, then took a deep breath and managed to remain calm.

"Shion. Shion, wait." Nezumi's voice was low and a little raspy. The disappointment was once again evident on Shion's face.  
"I'm sorry, I thought… I used to think…" He shook his head in confusion, trying to get his thoughts back on track and looked back at Nezumi, eyes warm and understanding. "It's fine… It's ok if you don't want to…"

Nezumi's breath caught in his throat and he shook his head slowly, stroking Shion's hair and giving him a gentle smile.

"Oh I want to, believe me…" Nezumi answered, his smile merging into a grin, and he had to fight back the urge to pull Shion just a little bit closer so that he could feel for himself just  _how much_  he did, in fact, want to – that would just be counterproductive at that point. "Just… Shion, do you even know what you're doing?"

Shion frowned and there was a flash of defiance in his eyes. "Of course I do!" He lowered his gaze almost instantly though, and barely whispered the following words. "Well… at least to a certain extent, I guess."

_Wait– what?_  Nezumi's eyes went wide for a second as he tried to decide how to react to this. Was his little innocent Shion not so innocent anymore? This thought stung inexplicably inside his chest, but he decided not to show it and go with teasing instead.

"Oh… experienced, are we?" His grin had widened, but his heart wasn't so much into it.  
"What, no, no, no, no, no, that's not…" Shion had now turned beet red and looked as if he was about to panic. "That's not what I… I just meant…" He took a deep breath to try and stop stumbling on words. "I just have… well, theoretical knowledge…"

Shion thought he saw something flicker in Nezumi's eyes… was that… relief? But the white haired boy didn't have the time to think about it too much as Nezumi's grin became so wide that it almost split his face in half. And this time his heart was definitely into it.

"Shion…" Nezumi said, leaning to whisper in his ear. "Are you talking about porn?"

Somehow Shion didn't think it was possible to become even redder than he already was, but apparently this conversation was trying to push back the limits of how much embarrassment he could endure.

"Wait, no, no, no, I didn't – why do you – Nezumi!" Shion's eyes glared daggers at the empty space where Nezumi's face used to be before the taller boy had broken down laughing, his head buried in Shion's neck. "Nezumi, I'm serious!"

As Nezumi wouldn't stop laughing, Shion kicked him – not too strong – in the shin. The taller boy let out an exclamation of pain and straightened up immediately, wiping out his eyes.

"That hurt!"  
"Well, you're not listening to me," Shion pouted.  
"Fine, fine, I'm listening. What did you want to tell me about the porn?"  
"It was not—" Shion stopped when he realized he was almost yelling and continued in a more normal voice, "It was not porn, dammit. It's just… When you were gone I thought about a lot of things. Like what I was feeling for you, why did you choose to kiss me when you left, what would happen when you'd come back… I was curious. And you always made fun of me for being unexperienced, so I didn't want to seem like an idiot if we… you know. With you being, well, supposedly more experienced than me…"

Shion stopped talking and just stared at the floor, waiting for Nezumi to say something. The taller boy actually stared at him in disbelief and sighed, jumping back a little to sit on the table before pulling Shion into a tight hug.

"Idiot," Nezumi whispered, his face almost entirely buried in Shion's hair. "You really don't understand, do you?"  
"Understand what?" Shion said, backing away just a little so that he could look at Nezumi, whose cheeks seemed to be a little more colorful than usual.  _Is he blushing?_  
"Shion, those… experiences like you say, it's not like they meant anything. It was just another way to manipulate people, a means to an end if you want. And it's not like I particularly wanted it either. But if I think about doing it with you… well, it's different…"  
"Why?"

Shion could probably guess the reason; he just really wanted to hear it. However Nezumi just covered his eyes with his hand and clicked his tongue in exasperation.

"Geez, seriously, just learn to figure things out for yourself…"

Shion chuckled happily and Nezumi looked at him from behind his fingers. Seeing him like that made Shion's heart flutter and he decided that maybe he did not  _need_  to hear Nezumi's reason in the end; that moment itself was already enough.

"You're really cute, you know."  
"Don't call me cute, you idiot," Nezumi answered, his hand leaving his face to lift Shion's chin.

A few more chuckles escaped the white-haired boy's lips before his face regained some seriousness and he spoke again in a low voice.

"So, you did think about it?"  
"A little, mostly since I came back… I kinda had other things to figure out before that."  
"Right," Shion breathed out.

Their faces were already close, but Nezumi lifted Shion's chin a little closer as he leaned in, not allowing their lips to touch yet. Shion could see Nezumi's grey eyes darken and he felt his body becoming warm again. He wanted nothing more than to move his head up just a little bit and close the gap between their lips again, but Nezumi was still holding his chin into place. A teasing smile appeared on the taller boy's lips and he spoke in a voice so warm and low that Shion could swear his brain started melting at the sound of it.

"Although… I do find the idea of you watching porn very… seducing…"

Shion could feel Nezumi's hot breath on his lips and any desire he had to protest died in his throat as only a faint groan managed to escape his lips. Nezumi decided that if it wasn't the place it was however most certainly the time and that waiting wasn't an option anymore. Much to Shion's disappointment he didn't close the space between them but instead pushed him back a little and jumped off the table. Shion didn't move and just stared as Nezumi took a few steps towards the hallway. The taller boy turned around and cocked an eyebrow.

"So, are you coming?"

* * *

As soon as Shion stepped inside the bedroom, Nezumi pushed him against the wall and captured his lips in a passionate kiss. Shion's arms immediately wrapped around Nezumi's neck, one of his hands untying the taller boy's ponytail and getting lost in the long dark hair. Nezumi's hands were on Shion's waist, holding him firmly against the wall while his tongue was exploring every corner of the white haired boy's mouth.

Shion sighed into the kiss, feeling his body becoming warm again. His eyes were closed but his other senses were heightened and he could perfectly feel each of Nezumi's fingers digging through the fabric of his shirt; and he was getting drunk on Nezumi's scent again. His hands tugged on Nezumi's hair, pulling him closer and –  _oh._

Nezumi's lips had left Shion's mouth to focus on the soft skin of his neck, sending shivers up and down his spine. Shion could  _feel_  Nezumi's ragged breath as much as he could hear it and the combination made his knees feel weak. Humming softly, Nezumi started by trailing soft kisses along the red scar, occasionally licking it with only the tip of his tongue. Shion tightened his hold around Nezumi's neck as if to support himself, his breathing getting out of control. A strangled gasp escaped his lips as Nezumi experimentally nibbled on a sensitive spot on his collarbone and Shion could swear he felt Nezumi's satisfied grin against his skin. The taller boy's mouth kept moving, exploring every inch of skin available, and relishing every sound Shion was making.

He had not, however, expected Shion to let out such a loud moan when he moved to his earlobe. Swallowing a chuckle, he pulled back just a little to look at Shion's flushed face and smirked.

"Sensitive ears, huh?"  
"…Ye—shut up!" Shion answered between breaths, glancing sideways and looking thoroughly embarrassed.

Nezumi couldn't hold back from laughing softly and cupped Shion's face with one hand. He moved his face a little closer.

"You're cute."  
"So it's ok for you to call me cute?" Shion asked, staring back at Nezumi.  
"Sure," Nezumi answered, his smirk growing, "that's because you're a cute little boy, and I'm a tall handsome man," he finished by capturing Shion's lips again, successfully preventing him from protesting.

That is, until he felt Shion's hands push him back. He took a step back but managed not to break the kiss. Shion was still pushing though, and they stumbled together until Nezumi's legs bumped into the bed and he fell on it. Sitting back and supporting himself on his wrists, he stared up at Shion with an amused smile. A wide grin was plastered across the white haired boy's face.

"I'm a cute little boy, alright?"  
"Right," Nezumi answered, lifting one hand to pull on Shion's wrist so that he landed on his lap.

Shion took this opportunity to launch an attack on Nezumi's neck, licking and nibbling on his collarbone until the skin became red. At this point, Nezumi was trying hard to suppress the sounds threatening to escape his throat, and Shion could hear him breathing hard through gritted teeth.

"Take it back," Shion whispered lowly in Nezumi's ear, warm breath sending shivers throughout the taller boy's body.  
"Never," Nezumi answered, his breath catching in his throat, and Shion resumed his assault on Nezumi's neck, effectively eliciting a throaty groan from the dark haired boy when he brushed a sensitive spot at the base of Nezumi's hairline.

The urge to touch was growing too strong and Nezumi's fingers found their way under Shion's shirt, softly tracing patterns on his back and sending electric jolts throughout the smaller boy's body. Gasping at the contact, Shion felt the need to kiss Nezumi again and moved away from his neck to join their lips in a deep, heated kiss.

Shion's hands were grabbing Nezumi's shoulders as the taller boy started to unbutton his shirt before throwing it away somewhere in the room. Shion broke the kiss to look at Nezumi's face for a moment. The deep grey eyes were almost completely dark and Shion could see the  _need_  in the way Nezumi was looking at him while slowly tracing the red snake on his torso. The warmth in his body was so strong that he almost wondered if his insides could melt, and yet somehow Nezumi's touch was making him shiver. Tentatively, his hands fumbled with the hem of Nezumi's t-shirt, and the taller boy allowed him to remove it and let it join Shion's shirt on the floor.

Face flushed, Shion slowly moved his hands over Nezumi's chest, exploring the pale skin now in front of him and listening attentively to remember every spot that made the taller boy's breath catch in his throat. Nezumi looked at Shion through half-opened eyes, his hands gripping the smaller boy's hips. Shion's face was so focused and so innocent that something inside Nezumi broke and his arms suddenly grabbed Shion's body and flipped him on his back.

The white haired boy gasped in surprise as his back bounced on the mattress, and looked up at Nezumi. The taller boy was breathing heavily, his hair falling on each side of his face, and Shion decided that he looked probably more beautiful than he ever did. Shion raised his hands to pull Nezumi's face closer and kissed him deeply.

Nezumi had his knees on both sides of Shion's hips, and he lowered himself slowly while they were kissing until both their chests were pressed together. The taller boy felt Shion's moan resonate inside their mouths, and he thought that it would be nice to hear more sounds like that so he moved his lips back to Shion's neck.

Shion's nerves were on fire. Nezumi's warm chest against his chest; Nezumi's warm hands on his sides; Nezumi's warm mouth on the skin of his neck... He wondered if this was what heaven was supposed to feel like, and whether it would be possible to stay like that forever.

This was all quickly forgotten, though, when Nezumi's mouth found its way back to Shion's earlobe and nibbled playfully on it. It felt like lightning had struck his brain and rendered it powerless over his body. Moaning loudly, Shion arched his back reflexively and— _Wow_

Nezumi groaned at the friction, barely noticing the fingernails scratching his back as he buried his face in the mattress beside Shion's head for a second. Shion must have found the feeling equally enjoyable as he lifted his hips once more and pressed their bodies hard together. The taller boy groaned again and sucked hard on Shion's collarbone, as if it was a form of retaliation.

The heat pooling between Nezumi's legs started to be painful, and the noises Shion was making all the while  _grinding_  into him weren't helping at all. Nezumi wondered if the boy beneath him had any idea of the effect he had on him. It took all of his willpower not to just slam himself on Shion's body and grind their hips together until they both lose their minds. It was  _Shion_ , goddammit, and he deserved more than that.

Instead of following the pressing signals his body was giving him, Nezumi put one of his hands on Shion's hip, holding his body down firmly. A disappointed sound escaped Shion's lips, almost immediately followed by a throaty moan as Nezumi's mouth started to move down his body. The taller boy started by running his tongue along Shion's scar, so slowly that it was almost painful. Having Shion wriggle and moan beneath him somehow made Nezumi feel extremely satisfied. Once his tongue had made it all the way to the waistband of Shion's pants, Nezumi moved back up to take a pink nipple between his teeth, eliciting more sounds from the boy beneath him. Teasing the other nipple between his fingers, Nezumi was sure that Shion had no idea just how erotic he sounded right now.

Shion tried to move his hips again but one of Nezumi's hands was still holding him down. He let out a frustrated groan and tried to pull on Nezumi's hips instead. He couldn't deal with the teasing anymore; he needed their bodies to touch  _like that_ again, and his mind somehow suggested that it should feel even better without all these constraining clothes; so when Nezumi's hips refused to come down he decided to focus on the button of his pants. Suddenly, Nezumi's mouth wasn't on his chest anymore, and a hand gripped his wrist. Shion looked up to see Nezumi staring at him with a smug look on his face.

"Impatient, Your Majesty?"

Shion was breathing hard and tried to sit up but Nezumi was still holding him down.

"Nezumi, please… I— I need…"

Whatever Shion needed would remain unsaid as Nezumi suddenly grinded his hips against Shion's, and any word that was going to leave his mouth was replaced by a pleased groan. Nezumi started working on Shion's pants, quickly pulling them down and letting them fall off the bed before crawling back up Shion's body to kiss his lips.

Just as he was teasing Shion's lower lip with his teeth, Nezumi's right hand traveled down Shion's body and closed around him. He swallowed Shion's moan in his mouth as their tongues met and his hand started stroking slowly, as Shion's hands grabbed Nezumi's hair and pulled him into an even deeper kiss. Shion's hips were moving rhythmically, trying to meet Nezumi's strokes; and soon the white haired boy broke the kiss and threw his head back while moaning the taller boy's name.

Nezumi decided that he really liked to hear Shion say his name like that and his mouth started to slowly kiss its way down the other boy's slender body again. Although this time there were no pants to stop its progression anymore, and Shion's eyes popped open before slamming shut again when he felt a warm tongue slowly lick him  _down there_. The tongue went teasingly up and down a few times and then Shion groaned, fingers gripping the sheets, as a hot mouth wrapped around him.

Shion's mind wasn't able to produce coherent thoughts anymore. His head felt dizzy, as if he would pass out any second, and he was only aware of how warm his body felt; how loud he was breathing; how soft Nezumi's touch was on his skin; how amazing Nezumi's mouth was moving around him, licking, nibbling,  _sucking_ , and licking again; how he wanted to feel him even deeper but Nezumi prevented him to move; how soft Nezumi's hair was under his fingers; how much he wanted to kiss him right now but also didn't want to end this wonderful feeling; and soon he wasn't able to think anymore as everything became a white blinding light and he barely had the time to groan Nezumi's name as the heat building up inside his body finally reached its limit and exploded.

Nezumi thought he could actually get drunk on the sounds Shion made while he came, and looked up at the spent boy beneath him. Shion's face was red, he was panting, and his eyes had a dark glow that sent even more heat to Nezumi's groin. He crawled back up to lie next to Shion and slowly ran his fingers along his face, brushing away the hair that had stuck to his sweaty forehead. Shion looked at Nezumi and smiled before kissing his lips softly.

"Thank you," Shion whispered against the other boy's lips.  
"Your Majesty is more than welcome," Nezumi answered with a soft laughter.  
"Now, about you…" Shion looked down Nezumi's body as he spoke.  
"I'm fine." It was a lie, and he probably would need a cold shower soon, but tonight was about Shion.  
"You're not," Shion said, softly pressing his palm against the bulge in Nezumi's pants, eliciting a soft moan from the taller boy.  
"It's ok, really. I wanted to make you feel good."  
"And I want to make  _you_  feel good. Nezumi, I really want— I need you."

Shion's voice was almost pleading and Nezumi groaned inwardly at how painfully seducing he looked right now.

"I don't want to hurt you."  
"You won't. I trust you," Shion said, his eyes never leaving Nezumi's. "Please," he whispered, moving even closer so that their chests came in contact again.

Nezumi looked into Shion's eyes, a thousand of thoughts rushing in his head, thoughts about his life with Shion four years ago, his life without him, what it meant to stay, how he realized now that he had in fact missed him a lot, how  _cute_  he indeed was, and how much he wanted nothing more right now than hold his body closer and forget about everything else. He felt Shion's fingertips brush his belly as they moved down to unfasten his pants, and just by the look in Shion's eyes he knew that he had lost the fight anyway. His lips crashed passionately on Shion's and he flipped him on his back again while the smaller boy tugged at his pants.

Warm bodies pressed together; Shion's hot mouth teasing at Nezumi's collarbone; Shion's fingertips sending shivers along Nezumi's back; Shion's hands moving down, grabbing his hips,  _grinding._  Nezumi buried his head in the crook of Shion's neck and moved his hips to meet the other boy's rhythm. The sole feeling of their arousals – somehow Shion had recovered quite fast – rubbing together threatened to send him over the edge; but even though he felt like he couldn't take it anymore he knew he had to wait a little bit more.  _That's what Shion wanted, right?_  His thoughts were somehow really hazy, and as he moved one of his hands over Shion's butt, dangerously close to the puckered flesh between its cheeks, he raised his head to meet Shion's eyes.

"Are you sure?"

Rather than words, Shion thought that moving his hips up again and grabbing Nezumi's neck to kiss him was a perfectly acceptable way to answer his question. The taller boy must have thought the same as he moaned into the kiss and moved his fingers slowly around Shion's entrance to tease him. Without breaking the kiss, Shion moved his right arm away from Nezumi to try and reach the bedside table's drawer. The taller boy barely noticed Shion rummaging blindly inside it but broke the kiss to look at his hand when he felt Shion put a little tube inside it. He looked back at the boy beneath him, who pulled him back into a deep kiss before he could ask questions again.

Fumbling with the tube, Nezumi managed to cover some of his fingers with its content and slowly pushed the first one inside Shion. The white haired boy gasped at the intrusion and Nezumi broke the kiss to look at his face. Shion gave him a reassuring smile and Nezumi started wriggling his finger a little until he brushed something that made Shion throw his head back in ecstasy. The concern on Nezumi's face was replaced by a smirk, and he reached that same spot again, eliciting an incoherent moan from the boy beneath him, before pushing another finger inside.

When Nezumi thought that Shion was ready enough – and to be honest if he waited one more second he would explode – he removed his fingers to prepare himself. Shion groaned in frustration at the loss of feeling, but soon he felt  _something else_  try to force its way in and he dug his nails in Nezumi's back, trying to adjust to the new feeling. The taller boy stopped moving at Shion's reaction, his whole body shaking as he waited for Shion to signal him that he could move again – which only took a few seconds but they seemed excruciatingly long to Nezumi. He started thrusting slowly, watching Shion's reaction and –  _God he feels so good_  – and when he heard Shion groan his name once more he knew that he had found  _that spot_  again and he sped up his moves a little, one of his hands closing around Shion and stroking him at the same pace.

Soon the world disappeared and everything was just hungry kisses broken by deep pleasure groans; electrifying fingertips over warm skin; hands clumsily grabbing at the other's hair; sweaty skin rubbing against equally sweaty skin; intoxicating scents mingling together; names being breathed out in deep, raspy voices; Nezumi moving faster, losing himself inside Shion's warmth; Shion meeting his thrusts, grabbing his shoulders to support himself; and  _dammit Shion you're killing me_ ; and  _God Nezumi, right there_ ; and any other thought died in their brains as they were so high on endorphins. It didn't take long for Nezumi to feel that he was about to reach his limit and considering how incoherently Shion was moaning he figured that he didn't have much time left either; so he increased the speed of his thrusts and the movement of his hand until he couldn't take it anymore and fell over the edge with a loud groan, arching his back to push deeper into Shion as the other boy convulsed underneath his body.

Nezumi crumbled at Shion's side, panting heavily, and managed to open his eyes slightly to look at his lover – he guessed – who was lying on his back, eyes closed, trying to catch his breath. After a few seconds, Shion opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Nezumi. He gave the other boy a wide smile, and Nezumi found that he just  _loved_  the way Shion's eyes were glowing right now. Extending one arm, he gestured at Shion to move closer and pulled him into a tight hug.

They lay like that for a while, just listening to the other's breathing becoming more regular, and simply enjoying the closeness between their bodies. Nezumi's hand was softly rubbing Shion's back, but the urgency in his touch had disappeared, and now it was just a simple and quiet gesture. Shion's face was nuzzled against Nezumi's neck, and he was smiling, thinking about how distant the excruciating years of Nezumi's absence seemed, even though they were still so close. Ten days ago, when he fell sick and spent several days moping around, he couldn't have imagined how happy, how  _complete_  he would feel just now.

Moments passed, and still neither spoke nor moved. Shion finally broke the silence by letting out a long yawn, and Nezumi chuckled, tightening the hold on his body.

"Tired, Your Majesty?" Nezumi asked, moving his head slightly to be able to see Shion's face.  
"Hmmm. I think I'm falling asleep," Shion answered, yawning again.

Nezumi leaned in to kiss his lips gently and pulled back, studying Shion's face for a while.

"What is it?" Shion asked.  
"Nothing. I was just thinking… I never actually told you what my real name is."  
"Doesn't matter," Shion answered sleepily.  
"What, you're not interested in knowing the name of the people you sleep with?" Nezumi retorted in a teasing tone. But Shion was too far-off to notice it.  
"I know your name. It's Nezumi. You always have been Nezumi, and you always will," Shion replied with his eyes closed.

Nezumi blushed and everything was quiet again, until Shion shifted in the bed, whispering a barely audible "goodnight" while burying his face in Nezumi's chest. Nezumi hand travelled absently on his back and he kissed Shion's hair, wishing him a good night as well. He studied Shion's relaxing features for a while, seemingly lost in his thoughts. Trying not to wake the other boy, he moved a little to prop himself up on his elbow and lowered his head. His mouth against Shion's ear, Nezumi softly whispered one word before kissing him on the cheek and lying back on the bed. Closing his eyes, Nezumi's mind started drifting away and he didn't notice the smile on Shion's face, nor the one single tear rolling down his cheek.

**THE END**

* * *

This is it! My biggest thanks to all of you readers, I hope you enjoyed reading this latest installment as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
I have a few short stories idea, so you might see me write one shots sometime in the future. Until then, take care!


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